[Palmon and Gomamon walk down the snow-covered street.]
Palmon: "C'mon, Gomamon!"
[Gomamon, following her, slips on the snow and gets up gingerly. He resumes walking, careful not to slip on anything else. Behind him, Gatomon, Patamon, and Gaomon slip out from hiding places, snowballs raised.]
Gatomon: "Let 'em have it, dudes!"
Gomamon: "Snowball ambush!"
[Palmon manages to escape the onslaught, but Gomamon gets plastered by the snowballs.]
Gaomon: "Kaplowie!"
Patamon: "Got that right. Winter looks good on him!"
[Patamon, Palmon, and Gatomon leave, laughing. Gomamon creeps out from the mound of snow that buried him.]
Gomamon: "Winter scares me."
Palmon: [falling in the snow] "Wintertime's fun! Look, Gomamon, I'm making a snow angel!"
[Agumon, Guilmon, and Veemon walk down a driveway.]
Veemon: [grumpy] "Two inches of snow ain't even enough to cancel school!"
Guilmon: "Oh, come now, Veemon. Winter's a time to…reflect on Nature's beauty. Why, look around you. It's so pure! So inspiring!"
Agumon: "Guys! Look!" [He tackles Guilmon.] "Smooooke." [His breath comes out as steam. He then takes a deep breath.] "I am Hibachi Man! Bow before my breath of charcoal doom!"
Guilmon: "A formidable foe, Agumon, I'm sure. But your smoke is nothing more than–" [Agumon sends more smoke by.]
Agumon: [pleading] "Hibachi Man, Guilmon!"
Guilmon: "Very well then. Prepare to meet your match, Hibachi Man!" [He pulls a stick of celery from his pack.] "You'll never charcoal the denizens of this dimension!"
[Guilmon and Agumon chase each other around the street happily as Veemon grumpily looks on.]
Agumon: "Begone, celery stalk of justice!"
[Palmon is demonstrating to Gomamon how to make snow angels.]
Gomamon: "Okay, I get it now, Palmon." [He tries to make one, but cannot budge the snow more than a few inches.] "I pulled my funny bone, Palmon. Owie!"
Agumon: "Hibachi Man makes his daring escape! The Barbecue Belly Slide!"
[Agumon slides on his belly, rushing down the sidewalk at Gomamon and Palmon.]
Palmon: "Agumon! You idiot!"
[Agumon plows into Gomamon and Palmon. They ride on his back through two fences. The second knocks Agumon off balance, and they tumble apart as they come to a cliff. They fall as Guilmon watches, horrified, and Veemon watches gleefully. Palmon lands on the top of a streetlight. Agumon ends up caught in the middle of it. Gomamon lands on a lump of snow which is revealed to be a fire hydrant. The hydrant explodes water skyward and the water freezes instantly, trapping Gomamon inside.]
Palmon: [grabbing Agumon] "You lunkhead! Look what you did to Gomamon!"
Veemon: [laughing] "You're a laugh and a half, Agumon!" [Guilmon gets a ladder.]
Guilmon: "Goodness! You really should exercise more caution, Agumon."
Agumon: "That'll make my thighs burn, Guilmon." [Palmon throws him down and jumps on him.]
Guilmon: [defrosting Gomamon] "If only someone could address the true reality of wintertime hazards. We would all be much more–"
Veemon: [annoyed] "Not that again! Nobody wanted to hear about it last year, or the one before that! And no one wants to hear about your stupid safety club idea this year." [He leaves with Agumon.]
Gomamon: "Safety club?" [Guilmon stops the hair dryer.] "No more winter owies?"
[Veemon gets hit with a snowball thrown by an off-screen Agumon. He scoops up a big pile of snow.]
Veemon: "Better make a will, Agumon!"
Guilmon: [helping Gomamon down the ladder] "I believe that if a few thoughtful safety guidelines were set into play, winter would be a much safer time of year for all."
Gomamon: "Tell me more, Guilmon!"
[The bell rings and Veemon runs out of the school, carrying two lunch trays. He runs towards a shed marked "Safety Club." On the way, he dumps the food and begins calling to Guilmon.]
Veemon: "Check it out, Guilmon! Nothing says wintertime fun like scoring a couple of lunch trays from the caf and sledding down a hill, huh?"
Agumon: "Lunch trays are the transportation of tomorrow, Guilmon!"
Veemon: "C'mon! What're we waiting for?" [Guilmon takes his tray.]
Veemon: "I'll take that, thank you. Lunch trays are not intended for recreational use, and could very well prove hazardous." [He takes Agumon's tray.] "Deputy?" [Guilmon hands the trays to Gomamon, who puts them in a box.] "I have a much more rewarding activity that the two of you will find absolutely invigorating!"
[Agumon is playing with the zipper on a brightly colored safety vest.]
Agumon: "Up, down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down? Up down."
Veemon: "Idiot."
Agumon: "Up. Down."
[A bell rings, and Guilmon and Gomamon board the sled.]
Guilmon: "Safety Cadets, let's patrol!"
[Agumon pulls the sled around the school grounds.]
Gomamon: "Isn't this exciting?"
Veemon: "Yeah, like a faucet leak."
[Guilmon scans the grounds through binoculars.]
Guilmon: "Things are looking up, Deputy. Gatomon and Palmon are enjoying a safe winter–good lord!" [He sees that they are standing on ice.] "Deputy! I fear we have a breach. Code 62B dash slipdrop."
[Gatomon and Palmon are having fun when a hockey stick is thrust to them.]
Guilmon: "Grab hold and remain steadfast, ladies! Thin ice on large bodies of water is risky business with grave results!"
[Guilmon and Gomamon, expecting them to grab on, begin pulling at it. Gatomon and Palmon simply walk off the ice.]
Guilmon: "No thanks are necessary. All part of the Digital World Jr. High's Safety Club's daily diligence. May we suggest snowflake spotting as a safer and much more educational alternative to ice-skating."
Veemon: [grabbing the materials] "Only twenty-five cents!"
Palmon: [outraged] "What!?"
Guilmon: "Never you mind Veemon, ladies. The Safety Club is free of fees."
[Palmon and Gatomon leave as Guilmon and Veemon argue.]
Veemon: "Free? Like in filch!?"
Gomamon: [to the girls' backs] "Wait! Please come back!"
Gaomon: [offscreen] "Quit laughing at me, Plank!"
[An alarm goes off.]
Guilmon: "Deputy?"
[Gomamon moves towards him, revealing Gaomon hidden behind him. Gaomon is a snowman.]
Gaomon: "I told you I wouldn't make a good snowman, so there!"
Plank:
Guilmon: [riding up] "Gaomon! What were you thinking!" [He puts a thermometer in Gaomon's mouth.] "Are you aware of hypothermia?"
Gomamon: "It's a bad enough feeling when your body temperature's at risk!"
Agumon: [giggling] "Ice! Fun!"
[The lockbox opens, and a chain of teddy bears is pulled out. Gomamon takes them and ties them around Gaomon's head.]
Guilmon: "That should maintain a safe core temperature."
Gomamon: [saluting] "Implemented and awaiting–" [Agumon knocks him aside.]
Agumon: "I am an implement too! Hello, Gaomon." [He begins to stuff Gaomon's mouth with the bears.]
Guilmon: "Uh, yes. Um, admirable enthusiasm, Agumon. Could you please fetch my thermos of nice, hot soup from the Safety Club chest?"
[Guilmon gives Agumon the key, and Agumon goes to get the soup. Finding it, he comes back. Gomamon is unstuffing Gaomon.]
Guilmon: "Very good, Agumon."
Gomamon: [mocking] "Very good, Agumon."
[Patamon shreds the side of the school on his snowboard.]
Patamon: "Right side on the schoolside! Hook 'em high, man."
Guilmon and Gomamon: "PATAMON!"
Patamon: "What?" [He lands on a giant balloon bearing the name of the Safety Club.]
Guilmon: "The Safety Club highly recommends you wear a helmet when executing such extreme activity."
Veemon: "Ha! Boxhead don't need no helmet! He's already dead from the neck up!"
Patamon: "Oh yeah?" [He takes out an outboard motor.] "How about I box your head!" [He puts it on his board.] "Dorky!"
[Patamon gives chase, and Agumon and Veemon runs from him.]
[They change course and head for the school.]
Veemon: "Agumon! Over here!"
[Agumon and Veemon make it inside. Patamon boards up the steps and slams into the school. The school tips backwards a few feet before falling forwards onto the safety club and falling again to come to a stop upside down. A grand tsunami of snow falls on the Safety Club members.]
Gomamon: "Guilmon, this isn't working. Agumon and Veemon are ruining everything!"
Guilmon: "Now Gomamon, let's remain positive. I'm sure there's some way we can channel their heedless dispositions."
[Agumon and Veemon are back at the Safety Club shed. Veemon is holding some piece of machinery.]
Gomamon: "You better not drop that!"
Veemon: "What is it?"
Agumon: "A poopdeck?"
Guilmon: "Not quite, Agumon. This is an official Safety Club de-icer machine. Using the salt off of discarded cafeteria pretzels, we can render treacherous icy footpaths safe."
[Guilmon uses the machine, and it almost magically clears away the snow covering a path.]
Agumon: "Salt is like magic!"
Guilmon: [giving the machine to Veemon] "Now I'm sure I can trust you and Agumon to only spread salt on the icy footpaths, yes?"
Veemon: "Yeah yeah. No more fooling around! Right, Agumon?"
[Agumon, who has the nozzle stuck on his head, gives a thumbs-up before being led away by a snickering Veemon.]
[Gomamon screws a cork onto a sharp, dangling icicle.]
Guilmon: "Excellent technique, Gomamon! But the Safety Club guidebook specifies a counterclockwise turn."
Gomamon: "Clearly a misprint, as a clockwise turn is by far superior."
[A red snow cone hits him in the face. The cone is followed by two more. Veemon is using the de-icer to sell snow cones.]
Veemon: "Who's up for a blast of Veemon's Snow Cone Cannon? Pick a flavor. Shivers up your back. All for one measly quarter!"
[A cone lands behind Gatomon. She and Palmon are dueling with icicles.]
Agumon: "Order up, Veemon!" [He dumps in a new load of snow.]
Guilmon: "You turned school-sanctioned equipment…into a flimflam? I put my trust in you two!"
Veemon: "What's winter without a snow job, eh, Sockhead? Get it?! Snow? Job?" [Guilmon cracks a smile.]
Guilmon: "Yes, well...that was clever. A snow job–" [Gomamon grabs him.]
Gomamon: "Enough! Enough I say! This club is a farce! I was a fool to believe you three bores could enforce safety in the schoolyard! I know what this school needs protection from, and my club will succeed where this peanut gallery failed!"
Agumon: [dancing excitedly] "Yum! Peanuts! Yum!"
[As Agumon dances, Guilmon sighs in defeat.]
[The Trio are trapped in an overturned dumpster. The open top is sealed with bars of ice. Agumon licks the bars.]
Veemon: "Faster, Agumon! Lick it! Lick it! I gotta go to the bathroom!"
[The school bell rings, and Patamon exits, laughing at the Trio.]
Patamon: "It's Dorks on Ice! Right on."
Gabumon: "Yes, Gabumon finally feels safe enough to appear in this episode."
Gomamon: [in a pink-and-white suit] "The Owie-Go-Kapowie Club's first task is a success." [putting a helmet on Gatomon] "These complimentary helmets will keep your hair safe from the frizzy flyaway effects of the winter snow."
Patamon: "I'm outta here!" [He and Gabumon take off before Gomamon can put helmets on them.]
Gomamon: "Oh poo."
Palmon: [also an Owie-Go-Kapowie member] "C'mon, Gomamon. Let's go get some cocoa at my house before anyone sees me in this thing."
Gatomon: "I've had cocoa before!"
[They leave. Veemon begins to lick the bars. His tongue sticks to one of them.]
Guilmon: "Ironic, isn't it? Us being singled out as a liability."
Veemon: [realizing his tongue has frozen] "What the–?! My tongue's stuck to the stupid ice!!! And I gotta go to the bathroom!!!"
Agumon: "Do not fear, Veemon! Hibachi Man is here! Right, Guilmon?"
Guilmon: "Yes! Release this tongue-troubled citizen with your blast-furnace breath, Hibachi Man!"
Veemon: "Hey! Wait a minute, Agumon!"
[Agumon exhales, blowing Veemon through the bars enclosing the trio.]
Veemon: "Hey! I don't gotta go anymore!"
The End
Rip Torn
1931-2019
We miss you, Zed.