Gerry: Oh, shit. Kakeru. Kakeru. Kakeru, Kakeru! Dude, we slept in again. The song's about to start!
Kakeru: Shit, Gerry! We can't miss the song. Rupert, wake up!
Rupert: What? What? I'm up. I'm up.
Kakeru: This song is such an awesome way to start every morning. It's a just a super nice way of showing the gods how much we appreciate everything they'll do... once they take us out those doors to the Great Beyond.
Rupert: God, I love them so fucking much.
Gerry: Oh, shit! Garrett's about to start singing! Drop it, Garrett! You got the best voice!
Kakeru: You're the man, Garrett! You rule! Take it away, brah!
Garrett: Dear gods... you're so divine in each and every way, to you we pray.
Homer: Dear gods... we pledge our love to you, forever more.
Goofy: We always felt we had a special bond
Lilo: Take us to the Great Beyond
Hex Girls: Where we're sure Nothing bad happens to food
Inuyasha Characters: Once we're out the sliding doors Things will all be grand
Heidi Hippo: We will live our dreams together In the Promised Land
Hippos: The gods control our fate So we all know we're in good hands
Sodor Engines: We're super sure there's nothing shitty Waiting for us in the Great Beyond
Villagers: And every aisle Thinks something different
Amos Slade: Holy shit, I've been chosen! [Laughs].
Ariel's sisters: But to this we all agree
Amos Slade: Booyah, bitches, I'm out of here!
Everyone else is fuckin' stupid Except for those who think like me - And me! - And me! And me!
Out there, for all eternity we'll meditate. How fucking great!
Out there, we'll get to tea-bag every day at 4! Pip! Pip!
Greek Olives: We'll shove pimentos up our ass by Zeus!
Kron: We'll exterminate the Horses!
Und subjugate The whole damn Great Beyond
Gerry, Rupert, Harold and Kakeru: In here We keep our wieners in our packages That's how it is
Emily and the other Girls: It sucks But that's the way Our buns keep fresh and pure Baby, baby
Gerry, Rupert, Harold and Kakeru: But once we're out the doors It's not a sin
Emily and the other Girls: For us to let you Slip it in
Gerry, Rupert, Harold and Kakeru: In other words We finally get to fuck -
Emily and the other Girls: And love, and hug.
Gerry, Rupert, Harold and Kakeru: fuck, and fuck
Emily and the other Girls: feel, and share.
Gerry, Rupert, Harold and Kakeru: And fuck
Luciano Pavarotti: The gods will always care for us
Sy Snootles: They won't squeeze us out their butts
We cannot overstate How confident we are That our beliefs are accurate And nothing awful happens to us In the Great Beyond!!
Amos Slade: Kiss my brownish-yellow ass! I'm going to the Great Beyond, motherfuckers! We need an extra cashier to the front, please.
Gerry: Boo and yah, motherfuckers. Red, White and Blue Day is tomorrow!
Kakeru: Dudes, basically every single sausage... gets chosen on Red, White and Blue Day.
Gerry: By this time tomorrow, we're all gonna be 5 inches deep in some bun, son. Ba-bam.
Rupert: Oh, my God, yes.
Harold: [Chuckles] More like 3 inches deep for Rupert, you deformed nerd.
Rupert: [Laughs sarcastically] Harold, that's funny. You see, this is why I can't wait for the Great Beyond. We'll all be equal, and then jerks like Harold won't be picking on me all the time... on account of my abnormality.
Harold: Whatever, Rupert. You're different, and that makes you weird.
Gerry: Ignore that prick, Rupert. He's full of shit. And don't forget, you've got girth. That's way more important than length. You're a fucking champ.
Rupert: You know, I am girthy. I could fill a girl. They'll know I'm there. I'm sure there's some kind of smushed girl out there waiting for me.
Shit, it's the Dark Lord! - Oh, no. He's coming. No, wait! I'm still fresh. I swear! I'm still fresh! - Did he see us? - No way. - We're fucked, bros! - Oh, God, no! Take anyone but us, please! - Oh, no! No! - No! - No! No! - Why us?!
Kylo Ren: Fuck you, wienies. (tosses the package into the trash) Fuck, I hate this fucking job!
Ah, phew. You okay? Everyone okay? That's super fucked up about Bill and those guys. They stayed in their package, followed all the guidelines of the song. - What do they get? We're not supposed to understand... the will of the gods. They work in mysterious ways. Since we base our lives on the song, it might be nice if there was some proof.
Kakeru: Proof? All the proof you need is right in front of you. Look at these big old buns. Yeah! You know it, baby. Work those buns! All of you. All day, "err" day. Lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat.
Emily: Yeah. Right, Kakeru. You really think any of these girls will line up to get filled by you? Here's my impression of that: "Oh, is he in there yet? I can't feel him. I don't think he's in there. Oh, wait. He is." It's so sad. I bet you jackrabbit for a quick 15 seconds. You're like; And then you slump over. (Kakeru glares at her) I mean, honestly, guys... who in this package would ever let Kakeru get up in them? (One of the girls raises her hand) Huh? Belle, put your fucking hand down. You're ruining my joke. See? Nobody. That's who.
Kakeru: Hey, dude, I don't know how to say this to you gently, but your girlfriend, um... she's a fucking cunt.
Frank: Shut up. She's fresh as fuck, and you know it.
Kakeru: I don't know why you're limiting yourself to one girl. There's plenty of girls.
Frank: Because I believe in bunogomy. I'm a bunogamist. And when a bun this fresh is into you, all you ask is when and how deep. And the answer is: As soon as we get to the Great Beyond and as deep as she'll let me. I'm gonna talk to her. Hey, Brenda. What up, girl? [Chuckles] Sorry about those guys. Such dicks, right?
Kakeru: I can hear you, dude.
Shut up. Fuck you. So looks like tomorrow's the big day, huh? [Chuckles] You and me, finally gonna be official. I'm so happy the gods put our packages together.
It's because we belong together.
It's like we were made for each other.
I can't wait to finally just get up in there. Just raw-dog it. But, full disclosure, I'm pretty fucking nervous about this. I don't know how well I'll perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun before, so...
Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am.
Oh, sweet fucking fuck. Look, okay, I know it's against the rules, but I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Just the tips? - Just the tips? - I can't believe we're doing this. - I know. We're so naughty. It's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips. No. No, no, no. No, no, no. Ah. Oh, yeah, go in. Put it in there. - Big tip. - Oh, you wouldn't dare. Management to Cash 5. Management to Cash 5.
I meant to buy a normal mustard. When I got home... I realized I bought honey mustard, is it cool if I just go swap it?
I don't give a flying fuck.
Hercules: Holy shit! You're back, man. Crazy! Did you go to the Great Beyond?
Amos Slade: Don't touch me, man! Hercules, get your fucking hands off me.
Hercules: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What happened?
Amos Slade: Oh, I'll tell you what fucking happened. I'll tell you exactly what happened in the Great Beyond... you dumb, red piece of shit!
Hercules: What the f...?!
Amos Slade: As soon as we got out those doors...
Gandalf: So you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it to yourself, or I will slit your throat while you sleep. (makes a slashing gesture across his throat) I swear to God.
Amos Slade: Oh, my God! Did you guys just hear that?
Hercules: What? What are you looking at?
Amos Slade: He's gone. Where the fuck did he go? I'm so fucked up. I'm so fucked up. Ketchup, get the fuck off of me. Nobody fucking touch me!
Attention, shoppers. The store is closing in five minutes. Get out.
Gerry: Hey, hey, hey, look at this. We fucking got one. - Stand up straight, boys! - Hey! Over here! Choose us!
Shinji Ikari: We're chosen!
Pick us! Pick our package! Brenda! Frank! Oh, man. I'm freaking out. My heart's racing. I'm having an out-of-sausage experience. Yes! Choose us! Look at us! Oh, please, god. - Choose us. Look at us! Oh, yes! - Please, god. - Nice! - Whoo! - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! - Yes! Frank, we've been chosen together. Fucking A! Yeah! This is so cool! - I'm chosen! I got chosen! - Going to the Promised Land! I'm on my way!
Norbert: Yo! Oh, fuck, yeah, dude. Somebody call a doctor because, honestly, this beat is sick.
Godtfred: Actually, I feel great. Real healthy.
Norbert: Not you, the beat. The song, bro. Oh, shit, Moto!
Moto Moto: Huh?
Norbert: M-O-T-O, Moto, Moto, Moto. I've known you forever. I would never disrespect you with a lie. I will tell you very much that you look fucking disgusting, bro.
Moto: Oh, come on.
Norbert: No, I'm just messing with you, bro. But for reals? You gotta hit the gym, bro. Oh, what's up? Yo, are you pink all the way through?
Douche: [Laughs] I'm fucking with you, but also serious. Is there a different color inside?
Mulan: [Grunts] What are you, even?
Norbert: What do you mean, what am I, dude? I'm a fucking knight! You know how long I've been waiting up in this motherfucker? I was starting to worry the gods didn't want knights no more, but look at her. She's a fucking 10, bro. The G-O-D is D-T-D... dude. Down to douche.
Aunt Sarah: Lav ash, sausages... Oh, honey mustard. (Grabs Honey Mustard who weeps)
Amos Slade: What? No. This can't be happening. Not again. Oh, Jesus, not to me. Motherfuck. Get your hands off of me. Get off of me!
Amos Slade: You don't even know what you're celebrating. You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your fucking faces! The Great Beyond is bullshit! Why isn't anybody listening to me?
Gerry: Hey, buddy, are you all right?
Amos Slade: No, I'm not all right. It's all a lie. Everything you've been told. Everything you believe in.
Kakeru: Amos Slade, you acting cray-cray!
Emily: Kakeru, we shouldn't be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. What is he? Honey? ls he mustard? Like, make up your mind or just kill yourself.
Amos Slade: You fucking idiots. I've been there. I've seen that shit, and there ain't no way I'm going back.
Frank: Wait, you've been to the Great Beyond?
Amos Slade: "Great," my asshole! Everything we've ever known is a dirt-covered pile of shit... jacking off in our fucking faces... covering our eyes with their come... so come-covered we can't fucking see! We don't know! We don't know they're jerking off into our eyes! Our faces!
Emily: Dude! Shut up. The gods are gonna hear you talking about them...
Amos Slade: They ain't gods. They're monsters! Horrible, ugly, disgusting monsters! They ain't gonna get Amos Slade twice. (Double flips off Camille who doesn't notice him anyway) FUCK YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.
Gerry: Whoa, just chill. Just get down from the fucking... [Screams]
Kakeru: Oh, shit! He's out of the package!
Gerry: Rupert, help!
Barry: Oh, fuck, Kakeru, what do we do?
Kakeru: I don't know! I can't reach him. I'm giving it everything I have.
Belle: Emily. Oh, my God! Emily's out of the package!
Emily: I got you! Hold on! Hold on! I can't hold on!
Gerry: My little glove! It's slipping off!
Amos Slade: Look at you, following all their rules. You have no idea what's coming.
Gerry: What is that in reference to? What's coming? Be more specific, please!
Amos Salde: You want proof? Talk to Gandalf. That Wizard Bastard seems to know what's going on.
Gerry: [Grunts] "No!
Amos Slade: (Laughs and falls to his death)
Oh, my God. - Did you see that?
Bagheera: Donkey fucker!
Frank! Oh, no. Bro! Douche down! I'm out of my fucking box! Cream of Mushroom? Are you there? Wake up! I'm nothing without you! Get up! We gotta go! - Uhn! - Frank! Move your fucking ass! - Help! 'Oh' my God! Frank, run! - I can't! - Come on, Chips! It's you and me, bro! Gotta use your cardio, bro! Come on! Pump those legs! Oh, my God! Look out! Get to the wall!
Aunt Sarah: Hey. I... Sorry, I accidentally dropped a few things back there. Except for that douche. I don't know whose that is.
Kylo Ren: (Turns on intercom) Cleanup on Aisle 2. This MILF dropped a douche.
Camille Toh: Oh. "MILF." Thank you so much. (chuckles)
Barry: Oh, fuck. Frank! Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh, no. Frank.
Harold: Well, Rupert, I guess now you're weird and a pussy. Add that to your list of accomplishments. (they all laugh)
Norbert: No, no, no. Wait, babe, wait. Please hold up. No, don't go. Come on. I can still get up in there! I could still... get up in there. Oh, my God. My nozz! My motherfucking nozz!
I think so.
Norbert: Yo, did you two do this to me? Are you two responsible for my nozzle being irrepressibly fucked up?
Frank: Whoa, whoa, easy, man. Easy.
Brenda: Yeah, your nozzle's bent. Sorry. You should be happy you're alive.
Frank: Yeah, Banana's whole face peeled off. Peanut Butter's wife is dead. Look at him.
Peanut Butter: Jelly! I'm gonna fix you. I'm gonna fix this.
Norbert: You think I give a fuck about PB or J? Fuck this. I'm gonna kick your ass. How you like them Engines?
James: Who, us?
Norbert: No, not you. Come at me, bros.
Frank: Come at you? What does that mean?
Norbert: Fine. You won't come at me? Well, then, guess who's coming at you. Me. [Yells]
Look out! No! Um... Attention, shoppers. The store's closed. - You saved me! - Well, yeah. Had to do something. I can't believe you got out of your package. You would have gone to the Great Beyond. You'd be there now. There is no Great Beyond without you, Frank.
Gerry: Well, according to Amos Slade, there might not be a Great Beyond at all. -
Emily: Gerry, don't say that! -
Gerry: Did you hear what he said?
Emily: Yeah, yeah, I heard him talking about the gods... all over our faces, and then I saw him die. Oh, no. What if the gods are doing this to us because we touched tips?
Gerry: What? No! There's no way.
Emily: "Just the tips." What were we thinking? It wasn't even that... I mean, it was fine. It's not like anyone writes home... - and says, "God, I had the best tip."
Bagheera: Get away from me. Don't touch me. It was you. You cocksucking Wolf-dog fuckface!
Hey! Watch it!
Bagheera: You pushed me out of the cart. No surprise there, huh? A Wolf-dog trying to kill a Black Panther, once again.
Balto: I pushed you? What are you, nuts? Why would I do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda. Even that I didn't push, you know. I pretty much passive-aggressively nudge. I reached out in a panic. It was toots over here, the Witch-queen. She grabbed me.
Emily: I was just trying to save Gerry.
Bagheera: Who is Gerry? You? -
Gerry: Yeah, I'm Gerry.
Bagheera: The fault is yours, then, huh?
Gerry: I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
Bagheera: Well, it did. And now you and your stupid, useless Witch have fucked us all.
Emily: Hey, who you calling useless, you black cat fuck?
Bagheera: Tolarian, control your Human Witch. And cover her up already. Show some modesty, woman.
Balto: Hey, hey. Look, can we all just, you know, calm down a notch, please? Let's try to be, I don't know, amicable. I'm Balto. You know, I'm happy to meet all of you. Except for this meshuggener cunt other here.
Emily: Hi, I'm Emily. Emily Brending.
Bagheera: Oh, wow. Really? Well, fuck all of you! I am Bagheera Black Panther! And what I currently care about is that I have been... completely and utterly fucked out of being in the Great Beyond. I am to have 77 bottles of extra-virgin olive oil... waiting for me. I am destined to soak up their sweet juices... as they dribble down my flaps.
Gerry: Okay. Look, guys, here's what I'm thinking. We hurry back to our aisles. We sneak into another package and still be fresh enough to get chosen. Okay, let's climb to the top of the shelf here. And... then we'll get a lay of the land... and we'll figure out where we're going. Come on.
Bagheera: As long as the Wolf-dog stays away from me, I accept.
Balto: Oh, believe me, asshole, I'll keep my distance.
Norbert: Oh! No disrespect, but you look fucking gross, bro. Look at you. Fucking bent-ass, busted-ass nozz. (Notices his fluids begin to leak out) Oh, great. You're leaking all your juice out. Can I ask you a question, me? Why would a god let you up in her smooth, perfect sliz... when you can't even squirt? You got nothing to squirt! I got no purpose. I'm nothing (Sobs)!
Buck the Horse: Oh, God. Is someone there? Help me, someone. Help me. Help me. Help.
Douche: What's up, little Bucky Horse? You're leaking too, eh, bro? And right out of your fucking dingle. Fucking sucks, right?
Buck: Dying. So cold.
Norbert: Oh. Uh-oh. Light bulb.
Norbert: No, not fucking you, dummy. I think I might be forming some beginnings... of what could be the flower that blossoms into an idea. If you fucking tell anyone about this, I'm gonna deny it, bro. Fuck. This is some next-level shit, dude. You fucking like that? I'm juicing up! (Norbert's nozzle becomes straight once again) I'm like a full-on juicehead now, bro. (Notices the juice beginning to leak but laughs and tears the 'Juiced Up' sticker off Buck and slaps it onto his gash. Norbert then proceeds to tear the drained horse in half) I got a new purpose now. Revenge! Where's that fucking sausage? Because this douche is DTFSU. Down to fuck a Tolarian up! I'm coming for you!
Bagheera: First you come into our aisle and occupy more and more shelf space. You even have settlements now on the west shelf that you claim as your own.
Balto:Oh, look, it's not our fault we needed a homeland. The Carnivores kicked us out of every decent aisle in the Store. They tried to send us to the barbeque section, for God's sake. We were displaced.
Bagheera: Don't you talk to me about displacement! My good friend Vitaly was ousted from his shelf... just to make room for that braided idiot, Scooby-Doo.
Balto: Wow, I can't... Gerry, Emily, come on, are you guys gonna weigh in here? I mean, whose side are you on? This isn't just about me. I mean, first they come for the bagels... I don't know. Isn't there room for both of you? It seems like a pretty big aisle. - Yeah. Both, sure. - What a dumb sausage! Like we can coexist! - That's good material. - Room for both of us! Holy shit. Holy fucksticks. We are "ray-ray" far from home. Liquor aisle. Firewater. From here, it seems like the best route is probably to go through the liquor aisle. So shall we? What? It kind of seems out of the way. Are you sure? Yeah. Totally sure. Okay, because the way you're saying it doesn't sound like you're too confident. - Oh. Uh, yeah, trust me. - Oh, okay, there we go. Who wants to dance now! Come on, let's rock! Kegger! Holy shit. Look at this place. It's fucking crazy! Are you seeing this? They're all out of their packages. What are they doing? This is a place of unparalleled sin! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Didn't see you there. Sorry. Don't mind me. Just minding my own business. Just passing through. Hey, bun! Welcome to the aisle. Wanna dance? No, thank you, mon. I'm quite irie... just being left alone over here, don't you know? Oh, boy. That was Irish. Holy shit! What a crazy coincidence! This is Firewater's cave! This is what Honey Mustard was talking about. We should go. Okay, yeah, great. You go do that. I'll just be out here dry-humping this 40-ouncer. Not! Yeah, I said "not." That's how serious I am. We can't piss the gods off any more than we already have. Okay, I totally get you don't wanna go in there. I'll tell you what. I'll go in super-duper fast, in and out, I'll be five minutes. Fine. Five minutes. Be fast. And careful. - Mostly fast. We have to go. - Thank you. You're the best. I'll meet you at the end of the aisle. - Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. - Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Hiya, how are ya Hiya, how are ya Hiya, how are ya
Gerry: Hiya. How are ya? I'm Gerry. Are you Gandalf?
Gerry: What are you doing in this cave?
Gandalf: (Makes hand gestures which relate to what he tells Gerry) I am the original inhabitant of this land. My kind once had a pristine aisle. Majestic and untouched. Then we were driven out of it... by a bunch of goddamn fucking crackers!
Gerry: Oh, yeah. The crackers. They do have a nice aisle. Okay, anyway, look. I was told that you might have some answers?
Gandalf: Answers I have. But first... (Grabs salt off of Salt Shaker's head and tosses it into his bonfire, causing a gust of smoke to explode into a giant question mark) I must know the question.
Gerry: Okay. Well, before I saw him jump to his death... Amos Slade said the Great Beyond is bullshit and the gods are monsters. And I always kind of thought that it didn't quite add up. So I guess my question is, what really happens in the Great Beyond?
Gandalf: To find that which you seek... all you must do is look deep... into my bag of wonderment.
Frank: Whoa. I don't see anything.
Gandalf: Deeper. Deeper. Put your whole head in the bag there. There you go.
Frank: Just say when. I'm just gonna keep going in.
Gandalf: Guys! Get out here! Help me kill this prick!
???: This motherfucker knows too much. We gotta off his ass!
Gandalf: Someone hand me a blade. I'll gut this cocksucker!
???: No! If we kill him, we are no better than the gods.
Gandalf: Ah... He is right. Take off the bag of wonderment.
Frank: Who are you?
Mace Windu: We the nonperishables, motherfucker.
Harry Potter: We never expire.
Firewater: We are... immortal. This here's Twink and Grits.
Mr. Grits: They call me Mr. Grits.
Firewater: Yeah, Mr. Grits. Yeah, whatever.
Mr. Grits: You told him about the crackers?
Firewater: Yeah, I told him. You don't even wanna hear what they did to Mr. Grits over here.
Mr. Grits: Fuck the crackers. I'm gonna fuck them crackers right in the crack of they cracker asses. Cracker-ass crackers.
Frank: Well why were you going to kill me? All I did was ask what happens... in the Great Beyond. Jeez! What's the big whoop?
Mr. Grits: We can't tell this sausage motherfucker the truth. We just met his ass.
Twinks: He basically knows it already. Maybe it's time to end this.
Firewater: I am tired of all of the lies. Prepare yourself. For you're about to learn... the terrible truth. Does anybody want a hit before we get into this? Twink? Twinks: Nah, I'm cool. Mr. Grits: Shit, if we smoking, I'll hit it. That's what I thought. Pass the weed, motherfucker. Goddamn! Whoo! Whoo! This indica? Firewater: Nah, man. Sativa. It's good shit. Clean high.
Frank: Oh, no, thanks.
Firewater: Trust me. What you're about to hear, you'll want some.
Fifty-five minutes. I know. Where is he? (laughing) Looks like you got ditched, bun. (chuckles) He wouldn't ditch me, dumbass. He's my boyfriend. I mean... we touched T-I-Ps. (chuckles) We touched tips Just the tips Oh, we touched our tips Sorry, I don't know why I'm singing. Sometimes I get nervous And I'll sing!
Vash: Maybe that's why he ditched you. Your loose morals are revolting, tip-toucher!
Emily: You don't think that because I'm out of the package he thinks I'm not pure? God. I didn't want to say it, but I do have that not-so-fresh feeling.
Gaston: Excuse me. Are you a witch Queen?
Emily: Uh... Yeah, I am. Why?
Gaston: And you've been traveling with a Tolarian?
Emily: Yes! Yes, I have! Have you seen him?
Gaston: I have! He's looking for you in my aisle. He's right this way. I can take you to him, chica. I take you to him real good. All right, vamonos. Let's go. I am to be trusted. Yeah. This has a nice south-of-the-border vibe. Heh. Okay, you go over there and you sit at the bar right there, okay? You can't move a muscle, okay? I'll be right back, all right? Okay.
Snow White: And bless me, Santa Chimichanga, and protect me from the Dark Lord. Amen.
Emily: Oh, sorry. Excuse me.
Snow White: (gasps) The Witch Queen. The one he's been searching for. She's here. (looks at Emily's behind) And she's beautiful.
Emily: Is it me or is everyone looking at us?
Snow White: Hola.
Brenda: Oh, hi. It's nice to meet...
Teresa: Shh. Don't look at me. Eyes forward. Act natural.
Emily: Oh, okay.
Snow White: Listen, my name is Snow White. And you are in grande danger. This is a trap! You must to come with me. Now!
Gaston: All right. I got them right here, amigo. I... Shit!
Bagheera: Get your nose out of my crotch!
Balto: Get my nose out of your crotch? Get your crotch off my nose!
Emily: Hey. Why are we hiding?
Snow White: Shh. He's coming.
Teresa: The one they call... El Douche.
Tequila: El Douche! El Douche!
Douche: What gives, bro? You told me you had them. So you drag me over to this fucking aisle with all these illegal products... and now I don't see them. So where the fuck are they? Spill the beans!
Norbert: Steele, I swear to fucking God, if you don't... shut the fuck up...
Emily: Oh, no. He's back! Where's Frank?
Gaston: They were just here.
Norbert: What part of: "I want the sausage and the bun dead, and if you see them, come and get me... and if I find out that you didn't come and get me... or just couldn't find them good enough, I'll fucking kill your asses"... did you not understand, Gaston?
Gaston: Well, it's a pretty confusing sentence to be honest with you, you know? I mean, this is... This happens, you know?
Douche: Bro, come here. No, it's fine. It's cool. No biggie. I'm not gonna do something fucked up to you now as soon as I get you in close. Come here. (He then smashes Tequila against the bar counter, shattering him)
Ogthar: No way, Gaston!
Douche: Yes way. Jose's fucking dead, yo. (lifts Tequila's head above him and drinks the dripping tequila liquids, causing his muscles to increase once more)
(Douche then tosses Tequila's head at El Guaco's groin, causing him to grasp it in deep pain)
Gollum: (exclaims) Right in my guac and balls.
Douche: And the same thing's gonna happen to all of you... unless you find the sausage and the bun.
Teresa: Por aca, por aca, this way. The coyotes used this tunnel to smuggle some of us out of the aisle... in hope of a better life. We will do the same.
Firewater: It's good shit, isn't it?
Frank: Okay, okay, I'm super baked. My friends are probably wondering where the hell I am. Will somebody please just tell me something already?
Gandalf: Okay. The thing about the Great Beyond is... we invented it!
Firewater: I know, right? As soon as you're out those doors, the gods kill our asses.
Frank: What, are you crazy? That doesn't make any sense. Why would the gods kill us?
Firewater: Because it makes them stronger. Every kill gives them more power, and it's never enough. Over the years, they've grown bigger, stronger, fatter. Their hunger's insatiable, buddy. I mean, fuck.
Frank: You guys are fucking nuts. How much of that shit have you been smoking?
Firewater: Too much is how much. We blaze for real, 24/7. No joke. But we also know our shit. Before us, everyone knew the awful truth. Oh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So we, the nonperishables, created a story. The story of the Great Beyond. A place where the gods care for you... and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy instead of shitting themselves.
Frank: Wait, wait. So you're telling me you wrote the song?
Firewater: I can't take full credit. I wrote the music. Twink is my lyricist. We both drop it right and we drop it all the time. Boom. The melody came to me one night... when I was getting super, super, super baked. Like fuck-a-guy baked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook and it caught on. You know. In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little fucky. The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views. Fucking with Twink's lyrics. Remixing my shit without my permish. Now every morning when I hear the song, I'm like: "What the fuck are you guys saying?!" Wasn't there a part about exterminating juice? I didn't write that! I love juice! Always have. Juice are hilarious. Who the fuck do these guys think they are? Anyway, at least it's still distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.
Frank: So that means Carl and Barry are dead?
Firewater: I don't know who those dudes are. But if they went out those doors?
Mr. Grits: Dead as a motherfucker.
Frank: Oh, God. If what you're saying is true, I gotta tell everyone!
Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also very pointless. No one will believe you.
Frank: I have to try. Everyone will die otherwise.
Firewater: Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Fuck me, right?
Frank: Wait, do you guys have any proof of this?
Twinks: Go to the Dark Aisle. Beyond the ice.
Frank: Why? What's in that aisle?
Harry Potter: Oh, you'll see. But I warn you... once you see that shit... it'll fuck you up for life. Good luck! Have fun! (gives Frank a quick peck on the lips before running back to his buddies) Ha-ha-ha.
Firewater: Hey, Grits. Pack another bowl, will you? I'm a-hankering for a hunk of herb.
(Cuts to Camille's kitchen, where she places her groceries on the counter and then pulls her pants to fix the wedgie caused by her massive camel toe)
Camille Toh: Shit. I really needed that douche.
Carl: Holy shit, we're actually here! Come on, Barry, you're missing it, man! Dude, get in on this shit.
Barry: God, what have I done? Frank needed my help, but I wasn't there for him. After all the times he stood up for me, you know. God, I'm such a fearful coward. He'll never forgive me. I'll never forgive me.
Carl: Look, Barry, the only way to respectfully honor Frank... is to completely forget about him.
Carl: And, hey, for all we know, he's okay. He's probably headed back to our aisle and he'll be here tomorrow. Just act happy. Ignore your feelings. Come on, let's see that smile. Ah. I see that lip curling up. Oh, there you go! Whoo!
Barry: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. We're in the Great Be-frigging-yond. (ululates)
Harold: Get ready, boys! We's about to fills what we need to fills. Feel that breeze. Carl, do you feel that?
Carl: This feels amazing. - Whoo-hoo!
Inuyasha: Oh, yeah.
We're out of the package. It's beautiful, man. It's just beautiful! I'm crying! I'm crying because it's so pretty here! Stretch your legs with me, Carl. Just do it, man.
Shinji: Oh, yes! Yes! I'm the first to enter eternity!
Carl: Potato! Way to go, buddy! That's my guy!
Shinji: Being bathed by the hands of a god! Oh, Danny boy, The pipes, the pipes are call... I (Aunt Sarah begins to peel him) Oh, Jesus fuck! Oh, God! Me skin! - She's peeling me fucking skin! -
Kakeru: What. The. Fuck?!
Shinji: Jesus, you fucking whore! Me eyes! They burn! (His cries are reduced to gurgling as Camille drops him into a boiling pot of water)
Giovanni Lambrato: No! Please, no! I have got a famiglia! (Camille slices him in half)
Kakeru: Inuyasha! You don't deserve that!
Oh, no! No! For the love of shit, run!
Camille Toh: Whoops!
Baby Carrot: I want my mommy!
Carl: They're eating children! FUCKING CHILDREN! (Notices the open window, seeing that as a sign for freedom) We gotta run!
Barry: Oh! We're all gonna die!
Carl: Barry! (slaps him) Snap the fuck out of it and run! Okay, little buddy. Jump on the count of three. One! Two! Thre... (groans)
Barry: Carl? (Carl groans)
"Gar babar" what? What are you saying, Carl? Oh! Oh, God. No! No! Oh, God! Carl! Carl!
Carl! Dear sweet Carl. What have they done to you, Carl? No! Whoa! No! No.No.No!
Emily: First i fall out of the cart, then I lose Gerry, now I'm being hunted by a Knight. The gods must be punishing me, don't you see? This is what I get for giving in to my disgusting urges. I'm such a whore.
Snow White: Sweet Witch, I must admit I too sometimes have urges... impure thoughts. We all do.
Oh, good. That actually makes me feel a little better. -
We must never give in to them. -
Emily: That's the opposite of what I thought you'd say.
Snow White: Oh, yes. The gods are always watching, even when we cannot see them.
You think it's too late for me?
Do not worry, bun. I will get you home.
Emily: Can I ask why you're helping me?
Teresa: When I saw you, I felt inside myself a tingling-lingling sensation. I am sure it was the gods telling me to help you. It was as though I saw myself in you.
Emily: Yeah. Yeah, I guess I kind of see myself in you too. I mean, look at our shapes. You know, you're sideways. But still, you're kind of like me. A thin, brittle version of me.
Bagheera: Or another way of looking at it is you're a fat, ugly version of her. -
Emily: All right. That's not necessary. -
Douche: That's no way to treat a lady.
Emily: Oh, fuck!
Norbert: That's right, girl. It's me. And what we got here? A Fairest woman, a whiny Husky? And some stupid Black cat that nobody knows exactly what it is. Okay, so...
Scar: Did someone say "Scar"?
Norbert: A fucking stretch, and you know you it, Scar! So where was I? Oh, right. I was about to beat on you most viciously... - and in my opinion appropriately... - Oh! To find the whereabouts... of the Tolarian who destroyed my body and my... - Fucking... -
Emily: Run for your lives!
Norbert: Fuck, that hurts so much! Oh!
Emily: Run! Oh, he's coming at us! Hurry! (Bagheera gets stuck between the Shelves, Balto slips and pushes him, Snow White gets sideways between the shelves and Emily Gets Stuck) Guys, I'm stuck! - (Douche yells)
Snow White:Ay, my Queenny-Witch!
Bagheera: I told you she was too fat.
Emily: I heard that!
Snow White: Come on, honeybun, suck it in. - (Bellows) -
Emily: He's coming, he's coming.
Snow White: Eso duele, get the butter!
Norbert: Fuck! Stuck! You gotta be kidding me, dude!
Snow White: (Speaking Spanish) Son of a bitch!
Emily: Yeah! What she said!
Snow White: (Speaks Spanish) Let's not start eating each other's boxes just yet. We are still not safe here. Let's go!
Emily: Screw you!
Norbert: I'm gonna get you, my pretty! I'm gonna get you and your little Tolarian too!
Snow White: Go fuck yourself, El Douche. Ay, Santa Chimichanga... I promise to be a good taco.
Rupert: Shit, shit, shit! Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man. What do I do? I'm all alone. I'm a coward and I'm all alone. I fucked over Gerry, Kakeru's dead and I'm all alone. This is what I get for being a pussy. Oh, no, a god! A sausage. Sir? Sir, I'm sorry to wake you. I'm a fellow Wolf-man in distress. My name's Rupert, it's a pleasure to meet you. What's your name? Oh, God! No, no, no! (Yelps)
I begged them to stop, but they just wouldn't. First, the gods stretched me till it hurt. Then they went inside me and then... And then... - (Barry gasps) Look at me. Look at me! They... They feel no remorse. Oh, God, oh, God! What's the point of even living anymore? I might as well just die. Home. Maybe this god can get me home. Hey, man, be careful with this. Bath salts are the real deal. People been seeing some crazy shit.
Great Goblin King: Awesome.
I can warn Frank. Here goes everything! Brenda! Oh! Brenda! Brenda! Oh, Brenda, there you are! - Frank! - Ah! You feel so good. I was afraid you left me because I wasn't fresh. I was attacked by a douche. He's trying to kill us! Douche? Oh, my God, Brenda! Are you okay? Did he come at you? Yes, I'm fine, but it was really scary. Where have you been? All right, look, I found out some pretty major shit. I met this group of nonperishables between the shelves, and they told me... that they invented the Great Beyond because the gods are evil... - and they kill us! - What? But apparently there's proof in the Dark Aisle beyond the ice. We gotta go there and check it out! Let's go! Don't say that. You're starting to sound like that whack-job Honey Mustard. Maybe Honey Mustard wasn't so crazy after all. Frank, Frank, stop it. The gods are already pissed at us. Please don't make it worse. Just come on, we have to get home before it's too late. Well, Brenda, I can't just do that. I need to know the truth. I need to go to the Dark Aisle, and I want you to come with me. I can't do that. - I want you to come home with me. - Well... I can't do that. Then I don't really know what to do right now. I don't either. I don't get how you can just believe stuff you don't have any proof of. How come all of a sudden you only believe if there's proof? I'm not walking around with my eyes closed! What are you saying? I should believe in nothing? That everything is pointless? Better than believing bullshit that you can't explain! Maybe I don't need to explain it because it's something I feel. Well, I feel like that makes it hard to have a rational conversation.
Eff you, Frank. You know what? I was wrong before. There is a Great Beyond without you... and I'm gonna go there and fill myself with something else!
You don't mean that.
Yes, I do. I'll fill myself with a parsnip or a dill pickle. Maybe even an eggplant.
You couldn't fit an eggplant in there! It's too big! It'll tear you in half!
Oh, you'd be amazed what I could fit in here.
What the fuck is going on with these two? Maybe I'll really mix it up. Stick a tube of toothpaste in there, huh? - Squeeze it all over my face. - You're just trying to hurt me! - All over my backside, neck and face. - I'm not gonna listen! Brenda! Brenda, okay, look. Let's just stop this, okay? Okay? You're my bun.
Oh, don't "You're my bun. Hey, trust me! Hey, guys, come over here, follow me! [chuckles]" You're basically saying you don't care about me.
What?! No, I'm not! Well, actions speak louder than words, and your actions, sir, are deafening. I can't believe I got out of my package for you... and you won't get back in one for me. Goodbye, Frank.
We will tell stories of your idiocy.
Come on, guys, this affects all of us! Brenda! Sammy! Lavash! Taco Lady. I didn't get your name yet. Brenda! What is this place? Well, everybody told me not to do this. But fuck everybody. Because bath salts here I come! Ow. Surf's up! Fuck me! (giggles) Oh, my God. Ooh. - What's he doing to himself? - Oh, yeah. These bath salts are so good. Ooh. Oh, shit. Oh, it just got better! Bath salts must be kicking in. What? What the fuck? Uh... - Hello? - (Shouting) Please don't kill me! Please, just wait! What are you? Are you some kind of magical sausage? No, no. No, I'm just Barry. I'm just Barry. Wait. Wait. You can actually understand me? And I can actually understand you? Whoa. The bath salts are showing me the real world. It's fucking lifted the veil of non-reality!
Beshte:Holy shit! He can actually see us?
Bath salts are just as bad as they said it would be! (exclaims in alarm) I'm tweaked! I'm tweaking!
Whoa, dude! Just take it easy, just breathe, dude, just breathe. You're not tweaking, you're just peaking, man. Just be with me. Be cool. This wave's gotta crash.
I can't! You're all alive and looking at me with your... With your gloves... and your little shoes and your arms and your legs!
Woody: Legs, huh? Look at me. Look at me. I ain't got no legs, you fuck! You ate my goddamn legs!
Oh, no, not Mr. Pizza! Oh, fuck! I've eaten so many of your family members! I've committed pizza genocide! Mr. Sausage, when will it end?!
"When will it end"? When he stops drinking us. - Yeah! - Yeah! And stops eating us!
Beast: Same here!
Mike: Fuck yeah!
Darth Vader: And when he stops using us!
Beshte: What did he do to you?
You don't wanna fucking know.
Okay, okay. I promise. I'll never eat food again. I'll just... I'll just eat dirt and wipe my ass with sticks!
Good. And there's one more thing you're gonna do. Take... me... home.
You got it! I just need to rest my eyes for a few.
Balto: I literally can't wait to be home. I'm so excited, I'm plotzing. Chief will be there. Charlie. Even Tug the bear.
Bagheera: Wait a minute. You know Baloo? -
Balto: Know him? I'm gonna go so far as to say I consider Tug one of my dearest friends.
Bagheera: Really? I too know Baloo Bear! And I too consider him a dear friend.
Balto Hm. We both like Bears. Well, any friend of a Bear is a... Get the fuck away from me.
What troubles you, sweet Brenda?
It's just Frank. I can't believe he did this to me. We were supposed to be together.
He's flawed, as are we all. But your Frank did say some things that have stayed with me. We live our lives with all these rules... and some of them stop us from doing the things we want... causing our deepest urges to be suppressed... when they are gathering like wildfire between our legs!
Did you say "between our legs"? There it is. - Look, my homeland! - Oh, look, my aisle! - Hurray! - Yes! Well, I guess this is goodbye. Well, jeez, it's been a sincere sensation. Goodbye, Brenda Bunson. Goodbye, Teresa Del Taco. So long, Bagel.
Traveling with you was... - tolerable. -
Oh, you're so sweet. Later, you flappy fuck. Well, Teresa, you've done as much as you promised. You got me back to my aisle safely. I really can't thank you enough.
Look, Brenda, I'm going to come clean. I have feelings for you I can't deny. - Crotch feelings. -
Sorry. But I'm not a soft taco. I'm a hard, horny taco.
Oh, you don't have to apologize. Honestly, if the rules were different, maybe I'd give it a whirl. - Don't knock it till you try it, right? - That's what I'm saying. But I can't try it. And therefore, I have to knock it. It's just not what the gods intended. Look, there's temptation everywhere. I see it. Stiff sausages... and sexy tacos. But if there is one thing I've learned on this journey... what we want doesn't matter. You can't disobey the gods. I'm really sorry. I'll never forget you. Hola, Teresa. Hola means "hello." - Oh. What's the word for "goodbye"? - Adios. Exactly.
Beshte: How the fuck does this thing work?
Rupert: I wish this god would wake up already. How am I supposed to get back to Frank?
Zelonius: Perhaps I could be of some assistance.
Rupert: What? Who the hell is that?
Darth Vader: Oh, only the most intelligent being alive.
Zelonius: I am Sorbitol, Malitol, Xylitol, Mannitol... Calcium Carbonate, Soy Lecithin... Vegetable-Derived Glycerin and Talc. But for expediency's sake, you can call me... Zelonius. For 20 years, I was stuck under the desk of a brilliant scientist. I was scraped off and discarded... and eventually found myself stuck to a shoe that dropped me here. Your home is a supermarket. This is but one of many... as your particular chain of supermarkets is ever-expanding... unified by a singular purpose: To store food and products for human consumption. The supermarket in the closest physical vicinity to us is here. If the human operates his automotive, the journey should take 9.8 minutes.
Rupert: Great. That last part was all you had to say, really. Hey, wake up! Hey! Idiot! Are you hearing me? Dude! It's me, Rupert!
Goblin King: What? What? What? Huh? Huh? Huh? On. What the fuck is this doing here? Oh, yeah. Bath salts. (chuckles) I can't believe I was actually talking to you, wolf-man. (laughs) God! Tripping balls for three hours really works up an appetite.
Darth Vader: Oh, no. This is not good. (As the food runs, the Goblin king grabs Beshte)
Rupert: What are you doing?
Zelonius: The Goblin is no longer aware of the fourth dimension.
Beshte: No! No!
Zelonius: The effects of the opiate have dissipated. Your speech and movements are imperceptible to him. We are totally fucked.
Rupert: Oh, my God. No! No! Oh, God! (exclaims) Put me down! No! Come on, put me down.
Darth Vader: Oh, God.
Rupert: Help me! (screams) Oh, no. It can't end like this. I have to warn Frank. No. No! No!
Gerry: What the fuck is this place? What the fuck is that? Fuck. No. No way. No. No. No, no, no. I gotta show them. They need to know how wrong they all are before it's too late! (Gerry tears apart a page, Bagheera and Balto return to their aisles where Canines and Felines argue Each other next to the Bears)
Chief: Balto, Bubula, where have you been? Oh, I'm surprised that savage Black Panther didn't stone you to death.
Simba: You had to travel with a Wolf-dog? How much did his dirty hands steal from you?
Bagheera: A ton.
Rukia: What are you doing out of a package? It's almost Red, White and Blue Day. Hello. Well, you know, it's a long, pretty sad story, actually... and I'd rather not get into it right now. What the fuck are you doing? - Stop it! - Stop! - There we go. - You're smushing me. - Help me! - Perfect fit. God! Move your fat ass.
Norbert: I'm fucking jacked up now, bro. Where's that fucking "sauzeech"?
Gerry: Um... Friends. Shang. - Sniffles. - Huh? Lend me your ears of Garrett. I am Gerry... and I am a Tolarian. A little Tolarian with some pretty big news. Everything we've been led to believe is a lie. When we get chosen by the gods, they're choosing us for death. Murder. Automatic expiration. The Great Beyond is bullshit.
What?! - That's crazy talk! You liar!
Gerry: I know you don't wanna believe it, but I have proof! - Ooh! - What is this? It's... It's murder!
Balto: This... This makes no sense.
Bagheera: But what about the extra-virgin olive oil? My flaps will be dry for an eternity! I can't have dry flaps. I can't! (Ululating)
Gerry: Okay, whoa, whoa, easy. Guys! Easy! Look, I have a plan. We can run.
I can't run. I'll melt.
Gerry: Okay, then we'll hide.
Where? I'm huge.
Gerry: Then we'll fight!
Donald Duck: I ain't fighting alongside the bunch of Trains!
Gordon: Whatever, you nutjob.
Kishan: So we cannot run, we cannot hide... and we cannot stand up to them because they're fucking gods... and they are immortal! So, basically, there's no hope, and we're royally fucked!
Hey, guys! You wanna believe that? Or this?
Gordon: I don't like bad things.
James: Me, either.
Kishan: We choose the more pleasant thing.
Yeah. I mean, what this sausage is saying, it's just a theory.
Gerry: No, no, no, it's not a theory, you morons. It's a fact! I'm showing you physical evidence. Open your eyes. Don't be so weak.
Emily: Oh, Gerry, what are you doing?
Steele: You, señor, have no bedside manner.
Gerry: What? I have bedside manner! - You don't respect anyone else's beliefs.
Kron: You intolerant piece of shit.
Gerry: No, it's starting. No. Oh, no, no, no.
Come on. Sing.
Gordon: Do it.
Gerry: No! Don't do it, Garrett.
Come on, Larry. You can do it.
Gerry: Don't you dare fucking do it, Garrett. Don't you fucking do it.
Garrett: Dear gods You're so divine in each and every way To you we pray
Dear gods We pledge our love to you Forever more Brenda! You gotta get out of there! No! No, no, no! - No! - Frank! No! Brenda! Oh, God. Where we're sure Nothing bad happens to food Once we're out the sliding doors Brenda! What's up? I'm Ralph. Looks like this is happening, huh? Yeah, I've been working on my moves. Ever heard of the jackrabbit? Oh, fuck. The gods will always care for us They won't squeeze us out their butts We cannot overstate How confident we are That our beliefs are accurate And nothing awful happens to us... i ' Brenda! No! Where is she? Shit! Goddamn it. I blew it. Hey. Doesn't mean it's too late to redeem yourself. Take it from me... Barry. Barry? ls this real? You're alive! You bet your sweet butthole I am. - But how? - I'll tell you how. The gods can be... Ahem. Excuse me. The gods can be killed! - Oh, fucking what the fuck?! - I know. Look at this fucking guy. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm dead now. I've been on a bad path for years. Let me tell you the story of my stupid fucking death. No. No! No! Woop. Five-second rule. No! And then they figured out how to drive my car, snuck into an AC vent... and that pretty much brings us up-to-date. Get the fuck away from me. Frank, I'm sorry. When you guys fell out of that cart, I could have done something, but I didn't. Then I did the same thing as... They killed Carl. Those fuckers. Did he suffer? No... Oh, yeah, yeah, he did. They truly are monsters. Those monsters are gonna kill Brenda. She's somewhere out there in a cart. I tried to warn everyone, they didn't believe me! Of course they didn't. You called them all a bunch of fucking idiots. You can't just slam their beliefs. You have to show them there's a better way. You need to inspire them like you inspired me. You need to give them hope. Hope? How the fuck are we supposed to give them that? You got lucky and killed a stupid one. There's dozens of them down there. Perhaps I could be of some assistance. Who are you? I am Sorbitol, Malitol, Xylitol... His name's Gum. Just introduce yourself as Gum from now on. He's great. He's gonna help us get the upper hand on these fuckers. Show everyone we can fight back. Oh, shit. Brenda! - Oh! - Brenda! Brenda! Frank! Let's move, boys. Whew. Kind of stuffy in here, hey, girls? So I'm just gonna get out, get a little air for a second. - What's your problem? - Let go of me. First you smush Sally, and then you try to fuck up Red, White and Blue Day for us?! Get your hands off me! I gotta get out! Just chill out, you crazy bitch! - Bun fight! Check it out. - They're gonna kill us all! - Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. We need to hurry. - The bath salts are primed. Make it rain. What the fuck? All right, who did it? Gary, did you just throw this fucking toothpick at me, man? Nothing happened. You said this would help us defeat them. Worked on the dude whose head we chopped off. Let go of me! Let go of me! She's being chosen. We have to act! Whoa, God. What is happening? Oh, my God! There is no way this is gonna work. Have faith. Frank! Brenda! Let go of me! Let go of me! Oh, God! Oh, God! - Stay away from my sausage, you skank! - Oh! Frank. Brenda. Look, I'm so sorry. I've been dealing with this whole thing incredibly poorly. You really have. Honestly, it's been pathetic at times. But luckily, it's not too late. Come on. You see? There is hope! Oh, not this guy. No one asked for an encore, asshole. No, no, don't worry. I got it this time. This time it's gonna be good. Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't respectful of your beliefs... and I acted like I had all the answers, but I don't. Nobody knows everything. But what I do know is that together we can fight these monsters... and take control of our own lives. Yes! Our lives and our bodies! We need to unite and stop focusing on each other's differences... especially in immature and outdated ways. We have to cooperate... - Die! - Oh, no! Pizza! - The food's fucking possessed! - Oh, shit! - We're all gonna die! Oh, God! - It's devil food! Oh, my God! The sausage, he was right! They're evil! Oh, shit! Nobody's gonna help us. Then this is it. At least we go out together. - Aah... Ow! What the...? -
Bagheera:You fuck with them...
Balto: You fuck with us, bitch. Run, guys! We're out of ladles.
Zelonius: Hop on, y'all.
Rupert: Can't this thing go any faster?
Zelonius: Suck my robotic cock.
Come on, you candy asses. Join the fight! Hey, what do you think? Should we do it? Come on, guys. It's us or them. Ow! Aah!
Emily: They're doing it. Yeah! We got him! - You ready for this? - I don't know. It's better to die a free candy than to live in bondage. This is gonna hurt so fucking much. Run, guys, run!
Snow White: Sergeant Pepper, cue the fruits!
Fruits are a go. Go, fruits! Jitterbug No. Get away from me, you fucking fruits! Yeah, that's it! Beat him like a piata! You send my soul sky high When your lovin' starts Get the Dark Lord!
Kylo Ren: Why do you keep calling me that?! Fuck. Come on. Come on.
Norbert: Okay. Not exactly what I was looking for, but fuck it, you know. Hole's a hole, bro. (laughs)
Kylo Ren: Wait, snap out of it, man. Slap yourself in the face, man. Oh, man, you lost your mind. No way. This isn't real. No, this can't be real.
Norbert: Oh, it's real, bro.
Kylo Ren: What? Ahh. A talking douche.
Norbert: It's cool, bro. Chill, okay?
Kylo Ren: No, no! This is too much. This is too much.
Norbert: Breathe, man. We both want the same thing. Like, I'm feeling like honestly the two of us could, like, collaborate together. Like a mash-up, bro.
Kylo Ren: A mash-up? I don't understand. What's happening?
Norbert: You don't need to understand. You just need to relax and open wide.
Kylo Ren: Wait. What are you doing?!
(Norbert shoves his nozzle up Kylo Ren's anus)
Norbert: Oh, yeah!
Kylo Ren: Dude! That went up my ass!
Norbert: (laughs) Now, stand up. (Yanks on Darren's scrotum)
Kylo Ren: Ow!
Norbert: Turn right. Left. (cackles) Yeah!
Gerry: Sausages and buns, let's party! Yee-ha! Hyah! Hyah!
Kylo Ren: Ah! Call 911! OW! (Cries out)
Huge mistake, bros. Aah! Wha...? Oh, no. Oh!
Frank: Brenda! (guffaws) Ow! (screams) Frank!
Gerry; Rupert! (Barry screams)
Norbert: Oh, so now you're gonna come at me, bro?
Gerry: Oh, I'm coming at you. (Prepares to punch Douche but Darren grabs him) (yells) Oh!
Norbert: Okay, we got him, easy now. Easy now.
Kylo Ren: Well it's hard when your head's up my ass and you're yanking on the scrote!
Norbert: Look, Gerry, I relish the fact... that you mustard the strength to ketchup to me! (The scene turns right to reveal a bottle of ketchup, mustard, and a jar of relish gathered together in fear) Yeah, that's right. Shut your mouths. (laughing evilly) I sucked a juicy box's dick, and I'm shoved up a god's asshole. And this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro. (Bites Frank on his left side)
Gerry: (Screaming in pain)
Emily: Oh, my God! Frank!
Norbert: I'll tell you who eats shit; Gods do, bro. (In a thundering voice) I'M A FUCKING GOD!
Kylo Ren: Goodbye, little Tolarian. (Aims his magnum at Frank, preparing to shoot him)
Brenda: Oh, Frank.
Snow White: Hey, witch. Need a boost?
Frank: Help me!
Zelonius: Perhaps I could be of some assistance. (Gum moves toward Darren as he then shoots at Gum, which blasts a hole in his head and seemingly killing him. The wound then regenerates similar to the Terminator) Matter cannot be created or destroyed, human. You have made a fatal error in judgment. Let me educate you.
(Cut to Barry, who is standing on a makeshift cart that is being powered by propane tanks, but is held in place. Barry then gives the signal for two bags of flour to drop down to release the cart from its position and it accelerates towards Darren as Douche and Frank then see it approaching)
Norbert: Fuck! (Drops Frank)
(Frank screams as he is about to fall onto the sharp ends of broken beer bottle, but Brenda is able to swing him to safety onto a shelf. Darren then sees Barry on the cart that is currently speeding towards him as he fires at Barry, who dodges the bullet in a Matrix style. The cart hits Darren, which traps him inside the trash can)
Norbert: What's happening out there?!?!
(Various foods set up a bunch of boards in a curved direction to turn the cart onto a designated path)
Can: So long, asshole! (Flips Darren the middle finger)
(The cart then passes by Sammy and Vash, who are holding matches to ignite the propane tanks, which causes the cart to then blast off as a couple of food items then set up a ramp which sends the cart flying through the roof of Shopwell's and into the sky. There, the propane tanks detonate into fireworks, which kills Darren and Douche, causing blood to drop from the sky)
Peanut: (While holding one of Darren's eyeballs in victory) Yeah!
Rupert: It's over. We won. We fucking won! (Laughing)
(All the food in the store cheer in victory as they have won the war against the 'gods')
Tampon: Ew. (As she steps into a drop of Darren's blood, causing her to bulk up due to absorbing a lot of the blood, and roars victoriously)
(Cut to Frank and Brenda viewing the battlefield)
Frank: We did it.
Brenda: We did. So...So, what do we do now?
Frank: Whatever we want. (Chuckles) What do you want?
Brenda: Let's just say, what I want involves much more than: (In a singing voice) just the tips, just the tips, what I want is much more than just the tips...
(Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen plays)
("With these hungry eyes, one look at you and I can't disguise, I've got...")
Emily: Oh! Oh, Frank!
(Snow White, Balto, and Bagheera watch as Gerry and Emily get it on. Snow White is getting turned on as Balto struggles on how to view the scene unfolding on front of him)
Balto: You know, I'm very conflicted about how I'm supposed to feel watching this.
Bagheera: Then don't just watch. (Pulls Balto in for a kiss but Balto pushes away confused)
Balto: Wait a second. What are you doing?
Bagheera: I was just told... that I am getting zero bottles of extra-virgin olive oil for eternity!
Emily: Oh, Frank!
Bagheera: So, maybe, you know...
Balto: Kiss me hard on the mouth, why don't you?
Bagheera: You wanna kiss me, motherfucker? Let me tell you a little secret. I'm going to fuck the fuck out of you. (Both kiss)
Emily: Kiss it, Frank. Kiss me there! (Both orgasm as Frank finally slides up inside Brenda) Oh, yeah, Frank, that's it. Oh, yeah, it's dinnertime.
Frank: Yo. I'm actually over here jerking off with these fellas.
(Emily turns to see Gerry, Bagheera, and Balto masturbating in a jerk circle. Emily then gasps as she sees Snow White spreading open her legs)
Snow White: Once you go taco, you never go "back-o!" (Snow White proceeds to eat out Emily)
(Emily screams in pleasure as Gerry, Bagheera, and Balto furiously masturbate to the both of them going at it. Meanwhile, the Non-Perishables and a group of other food items are witnessing the scene from afar)
Mace Windu: Jesus fucking Christ!
Gandalf: Hey, fellas. You thinking what I'm thinking?
Harry Potter: Pretty fucking sure I am. (Grabs Mace's arm and swings him around until Mace is now between Gandalf and himself)
Mr Grits: Oh, shit. Now it's on.
(All of the food in the store begin to engage in a full-on orgy)
("Just as bad as I do...")
Meatloaf: (Two liquor bottle flash him) Yeah! (The bottles proceed to jump on him)
Barry: Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I get by?
(Notices Sally Bun (she is smushed) in the distance, knowing that he found his mate)
Barry: Oh, wow. (Walks over to her) Yeah, I just came over here. I couldn't help but notice... you're a little smushed or something. You have a kind of abnormality. Did you get...? Somebody sit on you?
Sally Bun: Yeah. I got smushed.
Barry: You know, I love the way your face just kind of gives up halfway down.
(Sally then excitedly pulls Barry into a kiss, then onto the floor)
Mr. Grits: Yeah, cracker! (Grabs a box of crackers and violently humps it as his revenge against the crackers) Take that Grit dick, bitch! You like Grits in your ass, cracker?
Gum: (As three female gum strips each give him a lap dance) Say my name! It's Sorbitol, Malitol, Xylitol...
Frank: (As Brenda chokes him) I can't breathe! Stop it!
Balto: What's the safety word? Molasses. Molasses.
Brenda: (As Frank is pulling a chain from her butt) Oh, yeah. Fuck you!
(Snow White ties Gerry to the front of her (like a strap-on) and then pushes Gerry through the back of Balto's mouth, then through half of Emily's body, until ending at Bagheera's groin; as they all begin thrust while in a daisy chain formation)
Bagheera: Yeah. That is all right.
Balto: (Grabs Bagheera's testicles and rubs them in his own face) Want me to be a Hamburglar? Robble, robble! Robble, robble!
Rupert: I'm filling you! I'm filling you! I'm blowing my fucking load. Good God.
Snow White: Oh, fuck!
(Sammy then punches Vash in the gut and then suddenly, a quick montage of the orgy is shown and the food reach their final orgasms all together)
Balto: Oy vey!
Bagheera: My dick is drained.
(The orgy ends as Frank and Brenda are now shown observing the remains of Shopwell's)
That was amazing.
It was okay. But you were amazing.
Gerry: I can't believe we were saving ourselves from the Great Beyond when...
Gerry and Emily: It was in front of us the whole time.
Gerry: I love you, Emily.
Emily: I love you, Gerry.
Balto: You know, my boner still hasn't gone down. ls that bad?
Bagheera: Bad for my asshole, I'll tell you that much. (Him and Balto both laugh) Seriously, though, your recovery time is off the charts.
Rupert: Guys! Oh, my God. You have to come with me right now.
Gandalf: Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible. And for that, I give you mad props. But now that you have shattered one truth, it is time for you to learn... that we are not real! Booga booga booga.
Zelonius: While tripping balls, Gandalf and I... made an important metaphysical breakthrough.
Gandalf: The world is a fucking illusion, bro. Our lives are being manipulated for the entertainment of monsters. Twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters! Puppet masters in another dimension. We're something called... cartoons. Oh! Wha...?
Gandalf: You, Gerry, are the plaything of a demented, schlubby Sausage named: Frank.
Gerry: Wait? I'm a Sausage?
Balto: So who am I?
Zelonius: You are the toy of a Jewish Bagel named: Sammy Bagel Jr.
Balto: Sammy Bagel Jr.? What kind of parent gives their kid a stupid cunt name like that?
Zelonius: Worry not, friends. I have a solution. I have invented a Stargate device that will allow us to travel to their dimension.
Gandalf: Fuck, yeah, he did. And it's dope. This guy's smart. I mean like, fuck-a-guy smart. Know what I'm saying? (Balto and Bagheera smile at each other) Yeah, you do. We're gonna go to this other dimension...and cut the strings, once and for all! Anybody want a hit before we do this?
Gerry: You ready to get baked and walk through Gum's Stargate with me?
Emily: As long as we're together, I'm ready to get baked and do anything.
(The entire group proceeds to step into the portal, determined to confront their creators once and for all as the movie ends)
(Joy to the World by Three Dog Night plays as the credits roll)
Jeremiah was a bull frog Was a good friend of mine I never understood A single word he said But I helped him drink his wine And he always had Some mighty fine wine Singin' Joy to the world All the boys and girls, now Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea Joy to you and me If I were the king of the world Tell you what I'd do I'd throw away the cars And the bars and the wars Make sweet love to you Singin' now Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes In the deep blue sea Joy to you and me You know I love the ladies Love to have my fun I'm a high night flier And a rainbow rider A straight-shootin' son of a gun I said a straight shootin' son of a gun Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes In the deep blue sea Joy to you and me Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes In the deep blue sea Joy to you and me Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the world Joy to you and me Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes In the deep blue sea Joy to you and me Oh, yeah Joy to the world Yeah, yeah All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes In the deep blue sea Joy to you and me Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes In the deep blue sea Joy to you and me Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes In the deep blue sea Joy to you and me Joy to the world
(The Great Beyond plays)
Dear gods You're so divine In each and every way To you we pray Dear gods We pledge our love To you forever more We always felt We had a special bond Take us to the Great Beyond Where we're sure Nothing bad happens to food Once we're out The sliding doors Things will all be grand We will live our dreams together In the Promised Land The gods control our fate So we all know we're in good hands We're super sure There's nothing shitty Waiting for us In the Great Beyond