The Parody Wiki
Register
No edit summary
Tag: Visual edit
No edit summary
Tag: Visual edit
Line 1,109: Line 1,109:
 
They all take off their equipment, and put on dresses and makeup, and they use the super string around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Red climbs up.
 
They all take off their equipment, and put on dresses and makeup, and they use the super string around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Red climbs up.
   
Inside the palace, on a balcony, the Huns hold the Emperor. Shan Yu sticks his head in their faces.
+
Inside the palace, on a balcony, the Coyotes hold King Neptune. Dag sticks his head in their faces.
   
Shan Yu: [to the Emperor] Boo. [to his soldiers] Guard the door! [to the Emperor] Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me.
+
Dag: [to King Neptune] Boo. [to his Coyotes] Guard the door! [to the King Neptune] Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me.
   
Outside, Mulan and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards.
+
Outside, Silver and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards.
   
Mulan: Okay. Any questions?
+
Silver: Okay. Any questions?
   
Yao: Does this dress make me look fat? [he is slapped] Ow!
+
Patrick Star: Does this dress make me look fat? [he is slapped] Ow!
   
 
The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling.
 
The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling.
   
Guard: Who's there?
+
A Coyote: Who's there?
   
Guard #2: Concubines.
+
A Coyote: Concubines.
   
Guard: Ugly concubines.
+
A Coyote: Ugly concubines.
   
An apple rolls out of Ling's dress. One of the guards picks it up. The hawk notices Shang hiding, and tries to call out, but Mushu breaths fire and torches him.
+
An apple rolls out of Oscar's dress. One of the coyotes picks it up. Polito notices Red hiding, and tries to call out, but Mr. Krabs torches him.
   
Mushu: Now that's what I call Mongolian barbeque.
+
Mr. Krabs: Now that's what I call Mongolian barbeque.
   
The guard hands the apple to Ling, but the Gang of Three all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the guards.
+
The coyote hands the apple to Oscar, but the Gang of Three all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the coyotes.
   
Mulan: Shang! Go!
+
Silver: Red! Go!
   
Shang runs up the stairs and into the room where Shan Yu and the Emperor are.
+
Red runs up the stairs and into the room where Dag and King Neptune are.
   
Shan Yu: I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!
+
Dag: I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!
   
Emperor: No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.
+
King Neptune: No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.
   
Shan Yu: [raising his sword] Then you will kneel ... in pieces! [He swings the sword; Shang rushes in and blocks it. He is swung around a pillar, and then kicks Shan Yu in the face.]
+
Dag: [raising his sword] Then you will kneel ... in pieces! [He swings the sword; Red rushes in and blocks it. He is swung around a pillar, and then kicks Dag in the face.]
   
Mulan: Chien-Po, get the Emperor!
+
Silver: SpongeBob, get the King!
   
Chien-Po: Sorry, your Majesty. [He picks up the Emperor, and, using his silk belt, slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.]
+
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry, your Majesty. [He picks up King Neptune, and, using his superstring, slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.]
   
Shun Yu: No! [He picks up Shang and smashes his head against Shang's. Mulan winces, then looks down at the ground, where Yao and Ling are waiting.]
+
Dag: No! [He picks up Red and smashes his head against Red's. Silver winces, then looks down at the ground, where Patrick and Oscar are waiting.]
   
Yao: Come on!
+
Patrick Star: Come on!
   
Mulan looks back at the unconscious Shang, and at Shan Yu who is approaching him. She pulls Shan Yu's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer.
+
Silver looks back at the unconscious Red, and at Dag who is approaching him. She pulls Dag's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer.
   
Shan Yu: No! [He turns to Shang, who is now conscious.] You! You took away my victory! [He is hit by a shoe.]
+
Dag: No! [He turns to Red, who is now conscious.] You! You took away my victory! [He is hit.]
   
Mulan: No! I did. [She pulls back her hair.]
+
Silver: No! I did. [She puts on her stork beak.]
   
Shan Yu: The soldier from the mountains! [Abandoning Shang, he chases after Mulan, who is putting on her shoe. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Mulan is joined by Mushu and Crickee, riding the feather-less hawk.]
+
Dag: The soldier from the mountains! [Abandoning Red, he chases after Silver. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Silver is joined by Mr. Krabs and Mel, riding the feather-less chicken.]
   
Mushu: So what's the plan?
+
Mr. Krabs: So what's the plan?
   
Mulan: Ummmmm ...
+
Silver: Ummmmm ...
   
Mushu: You don't have a plan?
+
Mr. Krabs: You don't have a plan?
   
Mulan: Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ... [as they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men.] Mushu--
+
Silver: Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ... [as they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men.] Mr. Krabs--
   
Mushu: Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Crickee! [They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Shan Yu attacks Mulan, and she shinnies up a pole. Shan Yu cuts down the pole, and Mulan and the pole go through the wall. Mulan jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Mushu and Crickee are gathering ammunition.]
+
Mr. Krabs: Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Mel! [They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Dag attacks Silver, and she shinnies up a pole. Dag cuts down the pole, and Silver and the pole go through the wall. Silver jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Mr. Krabs and Mel are gathering ammunition.]
   
Mushu: Citizens. I need firepower!
+
Mr. Krabs: Citizens. I need firepower!
   
 
Citizen: Who are you?
 
Citizen: Who are you?
   
Mushu: [looking fierce] Your worst nightmare. [The two men jump off the tower.]
+
Mr. Krabs: [looking fierce] Your worst nightmare. [The two men jump off the tower.]
   
 
Man: Look! On the roof!
 
Man: Look! On the roof!
   
Mulan backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with her hands. Shan Yu crashes through the roof and raises his sword. Mulan pulls out a paper fan.
+
Silver backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with her hands. Dag crashes through the roof and raises his sword. Silver pulls out a paper fan.
   
Shan Yu: Guess you're out of ideas. [He stabs the sword through the fan; Mulan turns it around and readies the sword.]
+
Dag: Guess you're out of ideas. [He stabs the sword through the fan; Silver turns it around and readies the sword.]
   
Mulan: Not quite. Ready, Mushu?
+
Silver: Not quite. Ready, Mr. Krabs?
   
Mushu: [with a rocket strapped to his back] I am ready, baby! [He breaths fire on a stick and hands it to Crickee.] Light me!
+
Mr. Krabs: [with a rocket strapped to his back] I am ready, baby! [He ignites fire on a stick and hands it to Mel.] Light me!
   
Mulan kicks Shan Yu in the face, then trips him and pins his shirt to the ground with the sword. Crickee lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Shan Yu straight into the firework tower.
+
Silver kicks Dag in the face, then trips him and pins his tail to the ground with the sword. Mel lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Dag straight into the firework tower.
   
Mulan: [picking up Mushu] Get off the roof, get off the roof, get off the roof! [As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Shang, who is running down the stairs. Shan Yu's sword and Mushu land nearby.]
+
Silver: [picking up Mr. Krabs] Get off the roof, get off the roof, get off the roof! [As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Red, who is running down the stairs. Dag's sword and Mr. Krabs land nearby.]
   
Mushu: Ahahahahahaha! [He catches Crickee] You are a lucky bug!
+
Mr. Krabs: Ahahahahahaha! [He catches Mel] You are a lucky minion!
   
Chi Fu: That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.
+
Squilliam Fancyson: That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.
   
Shang: She's a hero!
+
Red: She's a hero!
   
Chi Fu: 'Tis a woman. She'll never be worth anything!
+
Squilliam Fancyson: 'Tis a woman. She'll never be worth anything!
   
Shang: Listen, you pompous ...
+
Red: Listen, you pompous ...
   
Emperor: That is enough!
+
King Neptune: That is enough!
   
Shang: Your Majesty, I can explain! [The Emperor raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Mulan.]
+
Red: Your Majesty, I can explain! [King Neptune raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Silver.]
   
Emperor: I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace! And you have saved us all. [He bows to her, and row by row, every person in the Imperial City bows to her.]
+
King Neptune: I've heard a great deal about you, Silver. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace! And you have saved us all. [He bows to her, and row by row, every person in the Imperial City bows to her.]
   
Mushu: Our little baby is all grown up and saving China! [To Crickee] Do you have a tissue?
+
Mr. Krabs: Our little baby is all grown up and saving China! [To Mel] Do you have a tissue?
   
  +
King Neptune: Squilliam!
Emperor: Chi Fu!
 
   
Chi Fu: Your Excellency?
+
Squilliam Fancyson: Your Excellency?
   
Emperor: See that this woman is made a member of my council.
+
King Neptune: See that this woman is made a member of my council.
   
Chi Fu: What? There are no council positions open, your Majesty!
+
Squilliam Fancyson: What? There are no council positions open, your Majesty!
   
Emperor: Very well. You can have his job.
+
King Neptune: Very well. You can have his job.
   
Chi Fu: Wha? ... My? ... [He faints.]
+
Squilliam Fancyson: Wha? ... My? ... [He faints.]
   
Mulan: With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough.
+
Silver: With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough.
   
Emperor: Then take this [he hands her a pendant], so your family will know what you have done for me. And this [he hands her the sword of Shan Yu] so the world will know what you have done for China.
+
King Neptune: Then take this [he hands her a pendant], so your family will know what you have done for me. And this [he hands her the sword of Dag] so the world will know what you have done for China.
   
Mulan takes the gifts, then hugs the Emperor
+
Silver takes the gifts, then hugs King Neptune
   
Yao: Is she allowed to do that? [Ling, Chien-Po and Shang shrug.] Mulan steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Shang.
+
Patrick Star: Is she allowed to do that? [Oscar, SpongeBob and Red shrug.]
   
  +
Silver steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Red.
Shang: Um ... you ... You fight good.
 
   
 
Red: Um ... you ... You fight good.
Mulan: [disappointed] Oh. Thank you. [She mounts Khan.] Khan, let's go home. [As she rides away, everyone cheers.]
 
   
 
Silver: [disappointed] Oh. Thank you. [She get in Herbie.] Herbie, let's go home. [As she drives away, everyone cheers.]
Emperor: [To Shang] The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.
 
   
 
King Neptune: [To Red] The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.
Shang: ... Sir? ...
 
   
 
Red: ... Sir? ...
Emperor: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty! [He puts on his hat and walks away.]
 
   
 
King Neptune: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty! [He puts on his hat and walks away.]
At Mulan's house
 
   
 
At Silver's house
Mulan approaches her father, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him.
 
   
 
Silver approaches her father, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him.
Fa Zhou: Mulan!
 
   
  +
Rafael: Silver!
Mulan: Father! I've brought you the sword of Shan-Yu. And the Crest of the Emperor! They're gifts to honor the Fa Family. [Her father drops the gifts and hugs her.]
 
   
 
Silver: Father! I've brought you the sword of Dag. And the Crest of King Neptune! They're gifts to honor our Family. [Her father drops the gifts and hugs her.]
Fa Zhou: The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so.
 
   
Mulan: I've missed you too, Baba.
+
Rafael: The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so.
   
  +
Silver: I've missed you too, Baba.
Granny Fa: [watching them] Huh. She brings home a sword. If you ask me, she should've brought home a man!
 
   
 
Big Mama: [watching them] Huh. She brings home a sword. If you ask me, she should've brought home a man!
Shang: Excuse me, does Fa Mulan live here? Granny Fa and Fa Li point, dumbstruck. Shang: Thank you.
 
   
Granny Fa: Woo! Sign me up for the next four!
+
Red: Excuse me, does Silver live here?
   
  +
Big Mama and Eva point, dumbstruck.
Shang: Honorable Fa Zhou, I-- Mulan! Uhhhh ... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ...
 
   
  +
Red: Thank you.
Mulan: Would you like to stay for dinner?
 
   
  +
Big Mama: Woo! Sign me up for the next four!
Granny Fa: Would you like to stay forever?
 
   
 
Red: Honorable Rafael, I-- Silver! Uhhhh ... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ...
Shang: Dinner would be great.
 
   
 
Silver: Would you like to stay for dinner?
Mushu: [to Great Ancestor] Come on! Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job.
 
   
 
Big Mama: Would you like to stay forever?
Great Ancestor: Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again.
 
   
 
Red: Dinner would be great.
Mushu: Aaaaahhh-haaaaaaa! Whoohoohoohoohoooo!
 
   
 
Mr. Krabs: [to Judge Peckinpah] Come on! Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job.
Crickee rings the gong; all the ancestors come out.
 
   
 
Judge Peckinpah: Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again.
Mushu: Take it, Crickee! [Crickee plays a set of drums, and all the ancestors dance.]
 
   
 
Mr. Krabs: Aaaaahhh-haaaaaaa! Whoohoohoohoohoooo!
Ancestor #2: You know, she gets it from my side of the family! [Mushu swings on a chain, yelling. He falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door.]
 
   
 
Mel rings the gong; all the ancestor birds come out.
Great Ancestor: Guardians.
 
   
 
Mr. Krabs: Take it, Mel! [Mel plays a set of drums, and all the ancestor birds dance.]
Mulan: Thanks, Mushu. [She kisses him on the forehead. Suddenly, Little Brother, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple.]
 
   
 
Ancestor Bird #2: You know, she gets it from my side of the family! [Mr. Krabs swings on a chain, yelling. He falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door.]
Great Ancestor: [last line] Mushu!
 
  +
 
Judge Peckinpah: Guardians.
  +
 
Silver: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. [She kisses him on the forehead. Suddenly, Kyle, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple.]
  +
  +
Judge Peckinpah: [last line] Mr. Krabs!
   
 
THE END
 
THE END

Revision as of 09:54, 24 May 2020

Silverlan Poster

[First lines, a Chinese painting of the Great Wall of China is slowly painted across the screen. The words Walt Disney Pictures present and then Silverlan and the dragon symbol appear. The painting becomes animated, and Sonic walks around his post. Suddenly, a chicken hits the back of his head.]

Sonic: Ah! [Polito lets out a call. Sonic walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more. Running back to his post] We're under attack! Light the signal!

[The door opens, revealing a couple of Coyotes. Sonic climbs up the ladder.]

Sonic: [lighting the signal with a torch, while staring at the Coyote leader; other signals go on all the way along the Great Wall] Now all of China knows you're here.

Dag: [picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire] Perfect.

[Eduardo and two soldiers walk into King Neptune's chamber and bow.]

Eduardo: Your Majesty, the Coyotes have crossed our Northern Border.

Squilliam Fancyson: Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall! [He is silenced with a raised hand from King Neptune]

Eduardo: Dag is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately.

King Neptune: No! [Standing up] Send your troops to protect my people! Squilliam!

Squilliam Fancyson: Yes, your Highness.

King Neptune: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible.

Eduardo: Forgive me, your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.

King Neptune: I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be the difference between victory and defeat.

Silver: [Using chopsticks to balance a grain of rice] "Quiet and demure. Graceful. Polite. Delicate. Refined. Poised. [she picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm] Punctual." [A rooster crows] Ai-yah! [Blowing on her arm] Kyle! Kyle! Ky-- [She glances down at a sleeping dog on the floor] Ah! There you are. [The dog wakes up] Who's the smartest doggy in the world? Come on, smart boy. Can you help me with my chores today?

[She ties a sack of chicken feed to his back, complete with a pole and a bone attached. Kyle immediately chases the bone, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grain everywhere.]

Rafael: [praying] Honorable ancestors, please help Silver impress the matchmaker today. [Kyle, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the family temple.] Please. Please help her.

[Silver steps up to the temple seeing Kyle on his hind legs trying to get the bone. Silver bends the stick down so that Kyle can reach the bone. Kyle gnaws on the bone happily. Silver continues toward the temple.]

Silver: Father, I brought your... Whoa! [Silver bangs into Rafael, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cups hit the ground and shatter]

Rafael: Silver.

Silver: I brought a spare. [Silver pulls out a cup from underneath the back of her plumage and begins to pour the tea.]

Rafael: Silver.

Silver: Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning...

Rafael: Silver.

Silver: ...and three at night.

Rafael: Silver, you should already be in town. We're counting on you to...

Silver: ...uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck.

Rafael: Hurry! I'm going to... pray some more.

In town

Woman #1: Eva, is your daughter here yet? Lola is not a patient woman.

Eva: Of all the days to be late. I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

Big Mama: How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. [Holds up a wicker cage with a minion inside.] This is your chance to prove yourself. [She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk.]

Eva: Big Mama, no! [Big Mama walks across the street; vehicles came crashing, but she emerges unharmed]

SFX: chickens clucking

Big Mama: Yep, this minion's a lucky one! [Eva sighs.]

Silver comes driving Herbie, and hops off.

Silver: I'm here. [looks at her mother] What? But, Mama, I had to...

Eva: None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up.

Beginning of "Honor To Us All"

Woman #1: [singing] This is what you give me to work with? Well, honey, I've seen worse. We're going to turn this sow's ear Into a silk purse.

Silver: It's freezing.

Eva: It would've been warm, if you were here on time.

Woman #1: [singing] We'll have you, washed and dried Primped and polished till you glow with pride. Just my recipe for instant bride You'll bring honor to us all.

Eva: Silver, what's this?

Silver: Uh ... notes ... in case I forget something.

Big Mama: Hold this. [Hands Mel to Eva] We're going to need more luck than I thought.

Woman #2: [singing] Wait and see, when we're through

Woman #3: [singing] Boys will gladly go to war for you

Woman #2: [singing] With good fortune

Woman #3: [speaking] And a great hairdo

Both: [singing] You'll bring honor to us all.

Chorus: [singing] A girl can bring her family Great honor in one way. By striking a good match And this might be the day.

Woman #4: [speaking] Men want girls with good taste

Woman #5: [speaking] Calm

Eva: [speaking] Obedient

Woman #5: [singing] Who work fast-paced

Eva: [singing] With good breeding

Woman #5: [singing] And a tiny waist

All: [singing] You'll bring honor to us all.

Chorus: We all must serve our King who guards us from the Coyotes. A man by bearing arms A girl by bearing sons

Woman #6: [singing] When we're through, You can't fail Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale How could any fellow say, "No sale"? You'll bring honor to us all!

Eva: There, you're ready.

Big Mama: Not yet. An apple for serenity. A pendant for balance. [singing] Beads of jade for beauty You must proudly show it Now, add a minion, just for luck, [Big Mama places the cage with the minion under Silver's feather] And even you can't blow it

Silver: [singing] Ancestors, hear my plea, Please don't let me make a fool of me And to not uproot my family tree Keep my father standing tall. Scarier than the Undertaker, We are meeting our matchmaker!

Chorus: [singing] Destiny, guard our girls, Help our future as it fast unfurls Please look kindly on these cultured pearls Each a perfect porcelain doll ...

Chorus: [singing] Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us Please bring honor to us all!

Lola: "Silver."

Silver: Present.

Lola: Speaking without permission.

Silver: Oops. [They go inside]

Big Mama: [to Eva] Who spit in her bean curd?

Lola: Huh. Hmm. Mmm. Too skinny. Hmph! Not good for laying eggs.

[Mel hops out of his cage, Silver frantically tries to put him back in.]

Lola: Recite the Final Admonition.

Silver: Mmm-hmm-hmm. [muffled chirping] [pulls out a paper fan and spits Mel out]

Lola: Well?

Silver: Fulfill your duties, calmly and... [glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly] respectfully. Um, reflect before you snack... Act! This shall bring you honor and glory. [She fans herself, Lola grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Silver by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.]

Lola: Hmm. This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity... [she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak] ...and refinement. You must also be poised. [Silver, staring at Lola, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup.]

[Silver notices Mel relaxing happily in the tea. Lola takes the teacup.]

Silver: Um, pardon me.

Lola: And silent! [sniffs] Ahhh.

Silver: Could I just take that back? One moment. [She grabs for the cup]

[Lola fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over Lola. Mel hops down her scale.]

Lola: Why, you clumsy... Whoo Whoo! Aaah! Whoo! Aaah! [fire sizzling] [She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her scale smoking. Silver desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. Lola runs around shrieking.]

[Outside]

SFX: loud crash

Big Mama: [To Eva] I think it's going well, don't you?

[Lola runs outside, shrieking.]

Lola: Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! [Silver throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to Lola and quickly walks toward Eva and Big Mama with Mel hopping back into his cage.]

Lola: [panting furiously] You are a disgrace! You may look like a bride, but you will never bring your family honor!

[People start to walk away, whispering.]

At Silver's farm

[Silver is greeted with a warm smile by her father, but, humiliated, she turns away and takes Herbie to the garage.]

Beginning of "Reflection"

Silver: [singing] Look at me ... I will never pass for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter Can it be? I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see That if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart. Who is that girl I see Staring straight back at me Why is my reflection someone I don't know Somehow I cannot hide Who I am, though I've tried When will my reflection show Who I am inside? When will my reflection show. Who I am, inside?

Rafael: My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.

Drums sound

Silver: What is it?

[Imperial soldiers and Squilliam Fancyson come riding over a hill.]

Eva: Silver, stay inside.

Big Mama: Ahem. [points toward a low roof. Silver runs over to it and peers over the roof]

Squilliam Fancyson: Citizens! I bring a proclamation from the Imperial City! The Coyotes have invaded China! By order of King Neptune, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army. [Reading from list] The Hsiao Family! The Yi Family!

Son: I will serve King Neptune in my father's place.

Squilliam Fancyson: Rafael's Family!

Silver: No!

[Her father walks over to Squilliam Fancyson.]

Rafael: I am ready to serve King Neptune.

Silver: Father, you can't go!

Rafael: Silver!

Silver: [To Squilliam] Please, sir, my father has already fought for--

Squilliam Fancyson: Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.

Rafael: Silver. You dishonor me.

Squilliam Fancyson: Report tomorrow at the Wu Zhong Camp. [He hands Rafael a scroll.]

Fa Zhou: Yes, sir.

Chi Fu: [Continues to read] The Chu Family! The Chang Family! The Yong Family!

In Rafael's bedroom

[Rafael yanks open his closet, revealing a suit of Chinese armor, and unsheaths a sword. Silver watches. He practices techniques, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting.]

[At dinner]

Silver pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang.

Silver: You shouldn't have to go!

Eva: Silver!

Silver: There are plenty of young men to fight for China!

Rafael: It is an honor to protect my country and my family.

Silver: So you'll die for honor.

Rafael: I will die doing what's right.

Silver: But if you ...

Rafael: I know my place. It is time you learned yours.

[Silver stares at her father for a moment, then runs outside crying. Mulan is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of her house, she can see her mother and father talking. Rafael picks up the candle and blows it out. Silver thinks for a minute, then makes her decision.]

[Silver walks into the Family Temple and lights a stick, placing it in a hanging statue of a Crab. She runs into her parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's sword, she puts on a bigger beak and paint herself white. Going out to the garage, she drives Herbie and sets off for the army.]

[The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Big Mama wakes up.]

Big Mama: Silver is gone!

Rafael: What? It can't be ... [He runs outside] Silver! No ...

Eva: You must go after her. She could be killed.

Rafael: If I reveal her, she will be.

Big Mama: Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Silver.

[In the Family Temple, the characters on a tombstone light up, and they turn into Judge Peckinpah.]

Judge Peckinpah: [To the Crab statue] Mr. Krabs, awaken.

[The statue shakes and smokes.]

Mr. Krabs: I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Judge Peckinpah. You just say the word, and I'm there.

Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Krabs ...

Mr. Krabs: And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be mine! Grr ... arrgh ...

Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Krabs! These are the family guardians. They ...

Mr. Krabs: Protect the family.

Judge Peckinpah: And you, O Demoted One ...

Mr. Krabs: I ring the gong.

Judge Peckinpah: That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors ...

Mr. Krabs: One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's go, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing.

Ancestor Bird #1: I knew it, I knew it. That Silver was a troublemaker from the start.

Ancestor Bird #2: Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family!

Ancestor Bird #3: She's just trying to help her father!

Ancestor Bird #4: But if she's discovered, Rafael will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!

Ancestor Bird #5: Not to mention they'll lose the farm!

Ancestor Bird #1: My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!

Ancestor Bird #2: Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!

Ancestor Bird #6: No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a cross-dresser!

[The Ancestor Birds start to argue]

Ancestor Bird #7: Let a guardian bring her back!

Ancestor Bird #2: Yes! Awaken the most cunning!

Ancestor Bird #4: No! The swiftest!

Ancestor Bird #8: No, send the wisest!

Judge Peckinpah: Silence! We will send the most powerful of all.

Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Okay, okay, I get the Jif. I'll go. [The ancestor birds laugh at him] Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here! [Blows a tiny flame] Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point.

Judge Peckinpah: You had your chance to protect the Family.

Ancestor Bird #6: Your misguidance led Cyrus to disaster!

Cyrus: Yeah, thanks a lot.

Mr. Krabs: And your point is?

Judge Peckinpah: The point is, we will be sending a real animal to retrieve Silver.

Mr. Krabs: What? What? I'm a real animal!

Judge Peckinpah: You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon!

Mr. Krabs: So you'll get back to me on the job thing. [He is hit in the face with his gong.] Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you. [To the dragon statue] Yo, Rocky, wake up! You gotta go fetch Silver! C'mon, boy! Go get her! Go on! C'mon! [He climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong.] Grr ... arrgh. Grr. Hello? Helloooo? Hello! [He hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart.] Uh-oh ...

Mr. Krabs: Uh ... Stoney? Stoney ... Oh, man, they're gonna kill me!

Judge Peckinpah: Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened?

Mr. Krabs: [Holding up the head of the Great Stone Dragon] Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um, I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Silver! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone Dragon?

Judge Peckinpah: Go! The fate of the family rests in your claws.

Mushu: Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face. [He loses his balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of him.] Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something. [He lifts the head off.] That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Ms. Man decided to take a little drag show on the road.

Mel: Bello.

Mr. Krabs: Go get her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her home with a medal to get back in the Temple! Waitaminute! That's it! I make Silver a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man.

Mel: Pwede na.

Mr. Krabs: [running] And what makes you think you're coming?

Mel: Underwear.

Mr. Krabs: You're lucky? Do I look like a sucker to you?

Mel: Butt .

Mr. Krabs: What do you mean, a loser? What if I took of your googles of and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, you or me?

Mel: Kan pai.

[Mr. Krabs chases him out of the yard and down the road.]

The Coyotes comes to a stop by a marsh. Two Chinese soldiers are dragged out of a tree and thrown before Dag.

A Coyote: Imperial Scouts.

Hal: Dag!

Dag: Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Coyotes.

[Laughter]

Bubbles: King Neptune will stop you.

Dag: Stop me! He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your King to send his strongest armies. I'm ready.

[Hal and Bubbles scurry off, one after the other.]

Dag: How many men does it take to deliver a message?

A Coyote: One.

Fade to black.

Silver: Okay. Okay, how about this: [in a deep voice] Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and tough. [She fumbles with the sword, dropping it on the ground.]

Herbie rolls with laughter, and is hit by a beak.

Silver: I'm working on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.

Mr. Krabs: [covered in smoke, and surrounded by fire, all Silver can see is his giant shadow.] Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!"

Silver: Aughhh!

Mr. Krabs: That's close enough!

Silver: A ghost!

Mr. Krabs: Get ready, Silver, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade! [He glances down at Mel, who is making finger-shadows of a crab's head, and kicks him.] C'mon, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me. [To Silver] So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death.

Silver: Who are you?

Mr. Krabs: Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Mr. Krabs.

Silver stares at the crab for a moment.

Mr. Krabs: Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh? [Immediately Herbie run over all over him, but Silver stops Herbie.]

Silver: My ancestors sent a little spider to help me?

Mr. Krabs: Hey, crab, crab, not spider. I don't have eight legs.

Silver: You're ... um ...

Mr. Krabs: Intimidating? All inspiring?

Silver: Tiny!

Mr. Krabs: Of course! I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If I was my real size, your wagon here would die of fright. [Herbie honks at him.] Down, Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor. [Silver slaps him] Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your wagon, dis-

Silver: [covers Mr. Krabs's mouth] Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.

Mr. Krabs: Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that? [Silver nods]. Alright. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Mel, get the bags! [To Herbie] Let's move it heifer!

At the Moo-Shung Camp

Mr. Krabs: Okay, this is it! Time to show them your man-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut! Two three, break that bone, two, three, and work it! [They pass men trimming their toenails and picking their noses] Beautiful, isn't it.

Silver: They're disgusting.

Mr. Krabs: No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.

Recruit: Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!

Patrick Star: Hmmm ... [punches the recruit]

Oscar: [laughing] I hope you can get your money back!

Silver: I don't think I can do this ...

Mr. Krabs: It's all attitude! Be tough, like this guy here!

Patrick Star: [spits] What are you looking at?

Mr. Krabs: Punch him. It's how men say hello. [Silver punches Patrick; he slams into SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, Patrick! You've made a friend!

Mr. Krabs: Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that. [Silver slaps Patrick.]

Patrick Star: Woo hoo ... I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [picks up Patrick] Patrick, relax and chant with me.

Patrick Star: Eerrrrrgh ....

SpongeBob SquarePants: nanuami tofu dah ...

Patrick Star: nonuamitofudah.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Feel better?

Patrick Star: Yeah. Ah, you ain't worth my time. Chicken boy.

Mr. Krabs: Chicken boy!? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!

Patrick Star: Rrraaaaghhh! [Grabs Silver and punches; she ducks and he punches Oscar three times.] Oh, sorry Oscar. Hey! [reaches down to catch Silver from crawling away]

Oscar: You're dead! [kicks him into SpongeBob, then attacks with a flying side kick. They start fighting, with SpongeBob swiping to get them off. Silver scrambles away.] Hey! There he goes! [They chase Silver through a tent, and the Gang of Three stop abruptly at the end of the food line. SpongeBob knocks everyone over, like dominoes, and finally the pot overturns. Everyone gets up and advances on Silver.]

Silver: Hey, guys ...

Inside the Captain's Tent

Eduardo: The Coyotes have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Dag before he destroys this village.

Squilliam Fancyson: Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises.

Eduardo: [To Red] You will stay and train the new recruits. When Squilliam believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.

Red: Captain?

Squilliam Fancyson: Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?

Eduardo: Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques ... an impressive military linuage ... I believe Red will do an excellent job.

Red: Oh I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes sir.

Eduardo: Very good, then. We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City. I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

Squilliam Fancyson: And believe me, I won't leave anything out.

Red: Captain Red. Leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. [They step outside.]

Squilliam Fancyson: Most impressive.

Eduardo: Good luck, Captain! Yah! [He fly off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses.]

Red: Good luck ... Father.

Squilliam Fancyson: Day one.

Red: Soldiers!

Soldiers separate, revealing a cowering Silver

Soldiers: He started it!

Red: [to Silver] I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.

Silver: Sorry ... [in a deep voice] I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges ... just gotta kill something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors ...

Red: What's your name?

Silver: Uh...um...uh...

Squilliam Fancyson: Your commanding officer just asked you a question!

Silver: I've got a name ... and it's a boy's name, too.

Mr. Krabs: Oscar! How 'bout Oscar?

Silver: [To Mr. Krabs] HIS name is Oscar.

Red: I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!

Mr. Krabs: Uh ... Ah-chu!

Silver: Ah-chu!

Red: Ah-chu?

Mr. Krabs: Gesundheit! Hee hee ... I kill myself.

Silver: Mr. Krabs ...

Red: Mr. Krabs?

Silver: No.

Red: Then what is it?!

Mr. Krabs: Junior! Junior was my best friend growing up.

Silver/Junior: It's Junior.

Red: Junior.

Mr. Krabs: 'Course, Junior did steal my girl--

Silver/Junior: Yes. My name is Junior.

Red: Let me see your conscription notice. [Silver/Junior hands the scroll to him.] Rafael? THE Rafael?

Squilliam Fancyson: I didn't know Rafael had a son.

Silver/Junior: Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much. [She attempts to spit, but fails miserably.]

Squilliam Fancyson: I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic!

[Laughter]

Red: Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Junior, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

Grumbling

Mr. Krabs: You know, we have to work on your people skills.

Inside Silver's tent

Mr. Krabs picks up Mel and uses him for an alarm clock.

Mr. Krabs : All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!

Silver pulls the blanket over her, and Mr. Krabs pulls it off.

Mr. Krabs: Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!

Mel is resting happily in the bowl of porridge, Mr. Krabs uses chopsticks to fish him out.

Mr. Krabs: Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!

Silver: Am I late?

Mr. Krabs: [stuffs porridge in her mouth] No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt.

Silver: But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts.

Mr. Krabs: Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.

Silver looks at Mr. Krabs, her mouth full of porridge.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!

Silver: Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

Mr. Krabs: That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!

Herbie honks frantically

Mr. Krabs: What do you mean, the troops just left?

Silver: They what? [She rushes out of the tent]

Mr. Krabs: Wait, you forgot your sword! [sniffs] My little baby, off to destroy people ...

Squilliam Fancyson: Order! People, order!

Soldier: I'd like a pan-fried noodle!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sweet and pungent shrimp.

Squilliam Fancyson: That's not funny.

Oscar: Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Junior, Are ya hungry?

Patrick Star: Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

Red: Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.

Silver/Junior stares in awe.

Patrick Star: Ooh, tough guy.

Red: [pulls out a bow and arrow and aims it at Patrick, then at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp.] Patrick. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.

Patrick: I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on. [He walks over to the pole and prepares to climb up it.]

Red: One moment, you seem to be missing something. [He pulls two giant medals out of a box.] This represents disipline. And this represents strength. You need both to reach the arrow. [He ties them around Patrick's wrists, and all the soldiers after him, and none of them can make it to the arrow.] We've got a long way to go.

Beginning of "I'll Make a Man Out of You"

Red: Let's get down to business. To defeat the Coyotes Did they send me daughters When I asked for sons You're the saddest bunch I ever met, but you can bet Before we're through Mister, I'll make a man Out of you. Tranquil as a forest But on fire within Once you find your center You are sure to win You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot And you haven't got a clue Somehow, I'll make a man out of you.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm never gonna catch my breath

Patrick Star: Say good-bye to those who knew me

Oscar: Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym

Mr. Krabs: This guy's got 'em scared to death

Silver/Junior: I hope he doesn't see right through me

SpongeBob SquarePants: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon Time is racing t'ward us Till the Coyotes arrive Heed my every order And you might survive You're unsuited for the rage of war So pack up, go home, you're through How could I make a man out of you

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: We must be swift as a coursing river

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: With all the force of a great typhoon

Chorus: (Be a man)

Red: With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!

Dag cuts the top off a tree. Polito flies overhead and drops a small doll. Dag jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the Huns.

Dag: What do you see?

A Coyote: Black pine ... from the high mountains!

A Coyote: White horse hair ... Imperial stallions.

A Coyote: Sulfur ... from cannons.

Dag: This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Imperial Army is waiting for us.

A Coyote: We can avoid them easily.

Dag: No. The quickest way to King Neptune is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.

Moo Shung Camp, at night

Mr. Krabs: Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?

Silver: Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

Mr. Krabs: So a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.

Silver: [Jumps in the water] Ah.

Mushu: Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.

Silver: Mr. Krabs, if you're so worried, go stand watch!

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah. [As Silver] Stand watch, Mr. Krabs, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits! [In normal voice] Hygiene.

Three (naked) men zoom by, laughing. Underwear is blown onto his face.

Mr. Krabs,: We're doomed! There're a couple of things I know they're bound to notice!

Silver ducks into the water as Oscar, Patrick and SpongeBob jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad.

Patrick: Hey, Junior!

Silver/Junior: Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were here. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.

Oscar: Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Oscar.

SpongeBob SquarePants: And I'm SpongeBob SquarePants.

Silver/Junior: Hello, SpongeBob.

Patrick Star: And I am Patrick Star, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it.

Oscar: Oh yeah? Well, I think Junior and I can take you!

Silver/Junior: I really don't want to take him anywhere.

Oscar: But, Junior! We have to fight!

Silver/Junior: No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!

Oscar: C'mon! Don't be such a girl... ow! Something bit me!

Mr. Krabs: What a nasty flavor.

Oscar: [sees Mr. Krabs] Scorpion!

While Patrick, SpongeBob and Oscar are shrieking, Silver whistles for Herbie and sneaks away.

Oscar: [huddled on the rock with SpongeBob and Patrick] Some King of the Rock.

Silver: Boy, that was close.

Mr. Krabs: No, that was vile. You owe me big!

Silver: I never want to see a naked man again.

A herd of naked men then flash by.

Mr. Krabs: Don't look at me, I ain't bitin' no more butts.

In Squilliam's tent...

Squilliam Fancyson: You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Coyotes!

Red: They completed their training.

Squilliam Fancyson: Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Silver into this war! This guy's messing with my plans!

Red: We're not finished!

Squilliam Fancyson: Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father, but I am King Neptune's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed.

Silver/Junior: [to Red] Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch! ... Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!

Mr. Krabs: I saw that.

Silver: What?

Mr. Krabs: You like him, don't you?

Silver: No! I ...

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, right, sure. Go to your tent!

Smiling, Silver walks away.

Mr. Krabs: [to Mel] I think it's time we took this war into our own hands.

They rush into the tent as Squilliam strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers.

Mel types out a letter, like a typewriter.

Mr. Krabs: Okay, lemme see what you've got. [reads] From General Eduardo. 'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Coyotes at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' Hello! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about?

Mel hops around typing out another letter.

Mr. Krabs: That's better, much better! Let's go! Herbie, baby. We need a drive. [Herbie squirts him off, and Mel slowly backs off.]

At the lake.

Laughter

Squilliam Fancyson : [Squilliam is storming from the lake with a towel wrapped around him and one slipper missing] Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers! [More laughter] And I do not squeal like a girl! [He turns to see a straw soldier (Mr. Krabs and Mel) riding a panda bear.] Eeeeeeek!!!

Mr. Krabs: [In a deep voice] Urgent new from the general! [He holds out a scroll] What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before?

Squilliam Fancyson: Who are you?

Mr. Krabs: Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on before I report you. [Squilliam turns, and the panda climbs up a nearby tree.]

In the captain's tent

Squilliam Fancyson: Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!

Mr. Krabs: Pack your bags, Mel, we're moving out!

Beginning of "A Girl Worth Fighting For"

Chorus: For a long time we've been marching off to battle.

Patrick Star: In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle.

Chorus: Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore.

Oscar: Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!

Silver/Junior: Huh?

Oscar: That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for! I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars.

Patrick Star: My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like! It all depends on what she cooks like! Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ...

Patrick Star: Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer!

Oscar: And I bet the ladies love a man in armor!

Chorus: You can guess what we have missed the most, since we went off to war!

Oscar: What do we want?

Chorus:A girl worth fighting for!

Patrick Star: My girl will think I have no flaws.

SpongeBob SquarePants: That I'm a major find

Silver/Junior: How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind?

Patrick,Oscar and SpongeBob: Nah!

Oscar: My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her!

Patrick Star: He thinks he's such a lady-killer!

A clip from THX Optimizer.

Squilliam Fancyson: I've a girl back home who's unlike any other!

Patrick Star: Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother!

Chorus: But when we come home, in victory They'll line up at the door!

Oscar: What do we want?

Chorus: A girl worth fighting for!

Oscar: Wish that I had A girl worth fighting for!

Chorus: A girl worth fighting...

The clip ends from THX Optimizer, then the Chinese army stares in horror at the charred and burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it.

Red: Search for survivors!

Silver/Junior picks up a small doll

Red: I don't understand. My father should've been here.

Squilliam Fancyson: Captain! [They turn to see a bloody battlefield full of dead Chinese soldiers. SpongeBob hands the general's helmet to Red.]

SpongeBob SquarePants: The ... general.

Red takes his sword and sticks it in the snow, then places the helmet on the hilt and says a prayer.

Silver/Junior: I'm sorry.

Red: [mounts his horse] The Coyotes are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Tung Show pass. We're the only hope for King Neptune now. Move out!

The army slowly walks away. Silver/Junior places the doll by Red's sword and joins the others.

As the Chinese Soldiers slowly walk through the mountain pass, a rocket in the wagon attached to Herbie suddenly goes off, shooting into the sky. Silver/Junior looks at Mr. Krabs accusingly.

Red: What happened?

Silver/Junior: Um...

Red: You just gave away out position! Now we're-- [an arrow hits his shoulder, throwing him off the horse. Coyotes appear on a cliff, and arrows shower down on the soldiers.] Get out of range!

The pitiful Chinese army struggles to get away from the Coyotes, but are intercepted by another group of Coyotes up on another cliff.

Red: Save the cannons! [The soldiers pass the cannons from the wagon to each other. The wagon gets hit by a flaming arrow, and Silver/Junior cuts Herbie's reins and drives him. The wagon explodes, sending Mr. Krabs and Mel flying. Silver/Junior falls out of the car.]

Mr. Krabs: Oh, sure, save the car. [Silver/Junior grabs Mr. Krabs and her sword and runs over to the other soldiers.]

Red: Fire! [The soldier lights the cannon, and it explodes on the mountain. More follow.] Fire! [There is no sound from the Coyotes, who are no longer on the cliffs.] Hold the last cannon.

Suddenly, a horse appears on the hill. Dag is soon joined by hundreds of Coyotes.

Red: Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor.

The Coyotes charge the Chinese Army.

Red: Patrick. Aim the cannon at Dag. [Patrick aims the cannon.]

While glancing at her sword, Silver/Junior notices a glacial overhang. She grabs the cannon and runs toward the Coyotes, aiming at the overhang.

Red: Junior! Junior, come back!

Frantically, as Dag draws nearer, his sword raised, Silver/Junior fumbles with the match.

Mr. Krabs: Okay, you might want to light that right about now, Quickly, quickly! [Silver/Junior is attacked by Polito, and loses the match.]

Patrick Star: C'mon, we gotta help! [The Gang of Three run toward Silver/Junior, swinging their swords.]

Silver/Junior uses Mr. Krabs to light the cannon fuse, and it shoots off toward the overhang.

Mr. Krabs: You missed! How could you miss?! He was three feet in front of you!

[The cannon hits the overhang with a bang, and causes an avalanche that rains down on the Coyotes, burying in them. In fury, Dag roars and hits Silver/Junior in the side with his sword blade. She quickly runs away from the avalanche, pulling Red with her. Herbie runs toward them, and Silver/Junior gets in and tries to give Red a hand, but he loses his grip and is dragged into the snow.]

Mr. Krabs: [riding down the snow in a shield] Silver!! Silver! Silver/Junior ? [He pulls a Coyote's head out of the snow.] Nope. Silver! [He reaches down and pulls out Mel.] Man, you are one lucky minion.

Silver/Junior and Herbie break out of the snow and race toward Red, who, unconscious, is sliding on the snow toward a cliff.

Silver/Junior: Red! [She pulls him up onto the saddle.]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [holding up Patrick] Do you see them?

Patrick Star: Yes! [He fits an arrow, which is tied to a length of rope, and shoots it toward Silver/Junior.] Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safe...ty! [The rope slips through his hands.]

Mr. Krabs: [sliding near Silver/Junior and Red] Silver! I found a lucky minion!

Silver/Junior: We need help! [The arrow flies near them, Silver/Junior grabs it and ties it around Herbie.]

Mr. Krabs: [to Mel] Ooh, nice. Very nice! You can sit by me! [They climb up into Herbie, and notice the cliff.] Aaaugh!!! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're definitely gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming! [Silver/Junior shoots the arrow up as they fall off the cliff.]

Patrick Star: [crying] I let them slip through my fingers ... [looks surprised as the arrow, complete with rope, lands in his hands. He is dragged toward the cliff edge, soldiers jumping on top of him. Finally SpongeBob walks over, picks all the soldiers up, and walks backward, pulling Mulan, Khan, and Shang up onto the ground.]

Mr. Krabs: I knew we could do it! You the man! Well, sort of.

Oscar: Step back, guys. Give him some air!

Red: [breathing heavily] Junior, you are the craziest bird I ever met. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.

Oscar: Let's hear it for Junior, the bravest of us all!

Patrick Star: You're King of the Mountain!

Cheering

Silver/Junior tries to stand up, but collapses to the ground, gasping.

Red: Junior! What's wrong? [Silver/Junior moves her hands to reveal blood.] He's wounded! Get help [Silver/Junior sinks into unconsciousness.] Junior, hold on. Hold on.

The doctor emerges from his tent and says something to Red, who looks disturbed and rushes inside. He looks at Silver, who sits up in bed, her side bandaged. Red stares at her, recognizing her as a girl. Silver realizes her mistake and pulls the blanket back on.

Silver: I can explain!

Squilliam Fancyson: So it's true!

Silver: Red!

Squilliam Fancyson: [yanking Silver out of the tent and take of the beak] I knew there was something wrong with you! A woman! Treacherous snake!

Silver: My name is Silver. I did it to save my father!

Squilliam Fancyson: High treason!

Silver: I didn't mean for it to go this far!

Squilliam Fancyson: Ultimate dishonor!

Silver: It was the only way! Please, believe me!

Squilliam Fancyson: [scoffs] Captain?

Red walks over to Herbie and takes out Silver's sword. The Gang of Three start to rush over to her, but Squilliam stops them.

Squilliam Fancyson: [to the soldiers holding Herbie] Restrain him. [to the Gang of Three] You know the law.

Red walks over to Silver and throws the sword in the snow in front of her.

Red: A life for a life. My debt is repaid. [to the soldiers] Move out!

Squilliam Fancyson: But you can't just ...

Red: [to Squilliam] I said, Move out.

The Chinese Army sadly walks away, leaving Silver, Mr. Krabs, and Herbie in the snow.

Mr. Krabs: I was this close. This close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, in entourage ... man. All my fine work. [He uses the tip of an arrow to roast a piece of food over a tiny fire.]

Silver: I should never have left home.

Mr. Krabs: Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta ... just gotta learn to let these things go.

Silver: Maybe I didn't go for my father. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So that when I looked in the mirror, [she picks up her helmet] I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing. [she throws the helmet aside]

Mr. Krabs: Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all. [He spits on the helmet.] Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, look at you, you look so pretty! [He turns sad] The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.

Mr. Krabs smiles

Mel starts to cry

Mr. Krabs: What? What do you mean, you're not lucky?! You ... lied to me? [Mel nods. Mr. Krabs turns to Herbie.] And what are you, a dodgem? [Herbie horns. Mr. Krabs graons and throws Mel on the back.]

Silver: I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home

Mr. Krabs: Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise.

The shadow of a chicken flies overheard, and around a bend. Dag climb out of the snow and looks around. He lets out a roar. Soon he is joined by five of the Coyotes. They start down the path toward the Imperial City. Silver watches them, grabs her sword, drives Herbie and turns after the Coyotes.

Mr. Krabs: Uh, home is that way.

Silver: I have to do something.

Mr. Krabs: Did you see those Coyotes? They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!

Silver: Are we in this together, or not?

Mr. Krabs: [looks guilty] Let's go kick some Coyote Boyotes! [He and Mel jump into Herbie, and they drive down the mountain, whooping.]

In the Imperial City

The Chinese citizens watch happily as the Imperial City celebrates the Chinese victory with a parade.

Parade Leader: Make way for the heroes of China!

Red, the Gang of Three and the other soldiers follow glumly behind, and behind them is a large Chinese dragon with the Coyotes inside.

Silver comes driving up beside Red

Silver: Red!

Red: Silver?

Silver: The Coyotes are alive! They're in the city!

Red: You don't belong here, Silver. Go home.

Silver: Red, I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me!

Red: Why should I?

Silver: Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Junior. Why is Silver any different? [Red rides around her.] [To the Gang of Three] Keep your eyes open. I know they're here. Yah!

Mr. Krabs: [as Silver goes out Herbie] Now where are you going?

Silver: To find someone who will believe me! [she hurries off into the crowd.]

The Chinese Army climbs the steps to the Great Palace, followed by the Chinese Dragon with the Coyotes inside. King Neptune meets them.

King Neptune: My children, heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom. China will sleep safely tonight. Thanks to our brave warriors.

Silver: [to a citizen] Sir, King Neptune's in danger!

Man #1: Huh!

Silver: But the Huns are here! [to another man] Please, you have to help!

Man #2: Eh!

Silver: [to Mr. Krabs] No one will listen!

Mr. Krabs: Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?

Silver: Mr. Krabs ...

Mr. Krabs: Hey, you're a girl again, remember?

Red: Your Majesty, I present to you the sword of Dag.

King Neptune: I know what this means to you, Captain Red. Your father would have been very proud.

Polito swoops down and grabs the sword. It flaps up to the roof, where a line of stone gargoyles are resting. One of the gargoyles moves and takes the sword. Coyotes jump out of the Chinese Dragon. Two of them grab the King Neptune and take him into the palace.

Red: No!

Patrick Star: Come on! [They run up to the palace, but the Coyotes continue closing the great doors. On the roof, Dag laughs.]

The Chinese Army tries to break into the palace using a statue.

Silver: They'll never reach the King in time. [She looks around, then at the tall pillars by the side of the palace. She whistles to them.] Hey guys! I've got an idea! [The Gang of Three looks at each other and then follows Silver, dropping the statue.]

They all take off their equipment, and put on dresses and makeup, and they use the super string around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Red climbs up.

Inside the palace, on a balcony, the Coyotes hold King Neptune. Dag sticks his head in their faces.

Dag: [to King Neptune] Boo. [to his Coyotes] Guard the door! [to the King Neptune] Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me.

Outside, Silver and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards.

Silver: Okay. Any questions?

Patrick Star: Does this dress make me look fat? [he is slapped] Ow!

The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling.

A Coyote: Who's there?

A Coyote: Concubines.

A Coyote: Ugly concubines.

An apple rolls out of Oscar's dress. One of the coyotes picks it up. Polito notices Red hiding, and tries to call out, but Mr. Krabs torches him.

Mr. Krabs: Now that's what I call Mongolian barbeque.

The coyote hands the apple to Oscar, but the Gang of Three all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the coyotes.

Silver: Red! Go!

Red runs up the stairs and into the room where Dag and King Neptune are.

Dag: I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!

King Neptune: No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

Dag: [raising his sword] Then you will kneel ... in pieces! [He swings the sword; Red rushes in and blocks it. He is swung around a pillar, and then kicks Dag in the face.]

Silver: SpongeBob, get the King!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry, your Majesty. [He picks up King Neptune, and, using his superstring, slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.]

Dag: No! [He picks up Red and smashes his head against Red's. Silver winces, then looks down at the ground, where Patrick and Oscar are waiting.]

Patrick Star: Come on!

Silver looks back at the unconscious Red, and at Dag who is approaching him. She pulls Dag's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer.

Dag: No! [He turns to Red, who is now conscious.] You! You took away my victory! [He is hit.]

Silver: No! I did. [She puts on her stork beak.]

Dag: The soldier from the mountains! [Abandoning Red, he chases after Silver. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Silver is joined by Mr. Krabs and Mel, riding the feather-less chicken.]

Mr. Krabs: So what's the plan?

Silver: Ummmmm ...

Mr. Krabs: You don't have a plan?

Silver: Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ... [as they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men.] Mr. Krabs--

Mr. Krabs: Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Mel! [They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Dag attacks Silver, and she shinnies up a pole. Dag cuts down the pole, and Silver and the pole go through the wall. Silver jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Mr. Krabs and Mel are gathering ammunition.]

Mr. Krabs: Citizens. I need firepower!

Citizen: Who are you?

Mr. Krabs: [looking fierce] Your worst nightmare. [The two men jump off the tower.]

Man: Look! On the roof!

Silver backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with her hands. Dag crashes through the roof and raises his sword. Silver pulls out a paper fan.

Dag: Guess you're out of ideas. [He stabs the sword through the fan; Silver turns it around and readies the sword.]

Silver: Not quite. Ready, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: [with a rocket strapped to his back] I am ready, baby! [He ignites fire on a stick and hands it to Mel.] Light me!

Silver kicks Dag in the face, then trips him and pins his tail to the ground with the sword. Mel lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Dag straight into the firework tower.

Silver: [picking up Mr. Krabs] Get off the roof, get off the roof, get off the roof! [As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Red, who is running down the stairs. Dag's sword and Mr. Krabs land nearby.]

Mr. Krabs: Ahahahahahaha! [He catches Mel] You are a lucky minion!

Squilliam Fancyson: That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.

Red: She's a hero!

Squilliam Fancyson: 'Tis a woman. She'll never be worth anything!

Red: Listen, you pompous ...

King Neptune: That is enough!

Red: Your Majesty, I can explain! [King Neptune raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Silver.]

King Neptune: I've heard a great deal about you, Silver. You stole your father's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Chinese Army, destroyed my palace! And you have saved us all. [He bows to her, and row by row, every person in the Imperial City bows to her.]

Mr. Krabs: Our little baby is all grown up and saving China! [To Mel] Do you have a tissue?

King Neptune: Squilliam!

Squilliam Fancyson: Your Excellency?

King Neptune: See that this woman is made a member of my council.

Squilliam Fancyson: What? There are no council positions open, your Majesty!

King Neptune: Very well. You can have his job.

Squilliam Fancyson: Wha? ... My? ... [He faints.]

Silver: With all due respect, your Excellency, I think I've been away from home long enough.

King Neptune: Then take this [he hands her a pendant], so your family will know what you have done for me. And this [he hands her the sword of Dag] so the world will know what you have done for China.

Silver takes the gifts, then hugs King Neptune

Patrick Star: Is she allowed to do that? [Oscar, SpongeBob and Red shrug.]

Silver steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Red.

Red: Um ... you ... You fight good.

Silver: [disappointed] Oh. Thank you. [She get in Herbie.] Herbie, let's go home. [As she drives away, everyone cheers.]

King Neptune: [To Red] The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.

Red: ... Sir? ...

King Neptune: You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty! [He puts on his hat and walks away.]

At Silver's house

Silver approaches her father, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him.

Rafael: Silver!

Silver: Father! I've brought you the sword of Dag. And the Crest of King Neptune! They're gifts to honor our Family. [Her father drops the gifts and hugs her.]

Rafael: The greatest gift in honor is having you for a daughter. I've missed you so.

Silver: I've missed you too, Baba.

Big Mama: [watching them] Huh. She brings home a sword. If you ask me, she should've brought home a man!

Red: Excuse me, does Silver live here?

Big Mama and Eva point, dumbstruck.

Red: Thank you.

Big Mama: Woo! Sign me up for the next four!

Red: Honorable Rafael, I-- Silver! Uhhhh ... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ...

Silver: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Big Mama: Would you like to stay forever?

Red: Dinner would be great.

Mr. Krabs: [to Judge Peckinpah] Come on! Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job.

Judge Peckinpah: Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again.

Mr. Krabs: Aaaaahhh-haaaaaaa! Whoohoohoohoohoooo!

Mel rings the gong; all the ancestor birds come out.

Mr. Krabs: Take it, Mel! [Mel plays a set of drums, and all the ancestor birds dance.]

Ancestor Bird #2: You know, she gets it from my side of the family! [Mr. Krabs swings on a chain, yelling. He falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door.]

Judge Peckinpah: Guardians.

Silver: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. [She kisses him on the forehead. Suddenly, Kyle, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the Temple.]

Judge Peckinpah: [last line] Mr. Krabs!

THE END